The Worst of Anthony Cumia (2006-2009)

AnthonyContents1 Anthony Cumia (April 26, 1961- )1.1 The Early Years1.2 Before the Laughter1.3 Fun Facts1.4 Firing1.5 Anthony's List of Impressions2 See AlsoAnthony Cumia (April 26, 1961- )Anthony Cumia was one half of the radio duo Opie and Anthony. He now hosts his own show called The Anthony Cumia Show.The Early YearsSpent his formative teenage years living in Southern California with his father.His father got him laid for his 13th birthday by the 'babysitter', Buzz.Buzz and Anthony had a lengthy sexual relationship - Anthony was the only kid in school that could truthfully claim that he was late for class because he was banging his girlfriend.Anthony's Brother Joe once came up with the idea of switching girlfriends at midnight. Anthony declined.He narrowly avoided a hot gay teen treehouse experience with Tree Fort Richard by pretending to be asleep and coining the phrase "jeebjeebjeebjeeb".He owned two guns by the age of 14 (A Winchester 30-30 and a Ruger 22 Cal Six Shooter).He was eyewitness to the accidental near-fatal shooting of 8-year-old Charlie Reyes, by Juan Reyes, his father, more than 100 miles from civilization.Used to cry a lot as a child, much to the frustration of his father.His mom and dad had a very tumultuous relationship, eventually leading to their divorce. Ant recalls one incident where his dad threw spaghetti at the wall during an argument.His CB handle was The Wrangler.He was once severely disappointed by Dreamweaver.Once took a picture with Groucho Marx. The exact circumstances of how he met Groucho are still under investigation.Admitted to having had a crush on his cousin years ago, who he thought had a nice ass.Never graduated high school. He was short a year of Gym credits.Went to school with Boomer Esiason.Before the Laughter'lil Anthony Cumia photographed while not cryingUsed to work at Apollo Air Conditioning before finding fame as a shock jock. He used to dream about shooting down space aliens while stapling together metal ducts.Lived in a house with deadbeat friends in Greenlawn, Long Island. He bought a Jet Ski with his credit card and used his work van to tote it about and pretended the rear of the van wasn't rusting away.Was in the band Rotgut with Brother Joe.Unhappily married to a woman named Jennifer; he is now happily (at least until he writes out his alimony checks) divorced.Was friends with Adam Ferrara before he became a famous stand-up comic.Fun FactsHas built up a high tech webcast studio in the basement of his home from which he has produced Live from the Compound, named after his home which is nicknamed The Compound. One broadcast was 12 hours long.Besides Brother Joe, Ant also has a sister, Dawn, and a stepdad, Sal.Has a cousin named Anthony that is very gay and dresses as a girl.Is suspected of having a massive member.Is known as "The One Man Environment Wrecking Machine".He spent $1,050 in electricity bills for the month of September, 2008.He also used 197,000 gallons of water from July, 2008 to the end of September, 2008.Has a cat named BeavisKnown as Professor Anthony due to his vast knowledge of useless information.Once wore a periwinkle shirt. He denied it up until his girlfriend called in and verified the color.The shirt in question also had peach and seafoam green stripes.He has been reported to have Bert Convy hair.Answered one of Jim Norton's farts, thinking it was someone talking. He became known as the Fart Whisperer after that.Once fell asleep during the XM show. Paltalk cameras captured it for posterity.Was goofed on for going to a No Doubt concert.He is a germophobe and recluse, esp. with regard to ANY bodily fluids.He once threw out a lightly used sectional sofa, due to the fact that one of his girlfriends' nephews had wiped a booger between the cushions. He opted for a new couch, rather than chance ever coming into contact with said booger.He will not shake your hand. You always offer up a "knuckle bump" instead. If he sees that you have just come out of a bathroom, don't even bother. He doesn't want a "handjob by proxy".He hates children. He tells a fantastic story of how one time in a resturaunt a child was running around making a lot of noise. As the child passed his table he knocked his own water glass onto the floor and said "Whoa, hey, look out" as if the child had done it. The parents of the child told him to apologize to Ant for what he had done. Ant stood there and waited for the ill gotten apology and made faces at the child when the parents weren't looking.Has recently moved to Long Island, where he lives in a very white, very Jewish neighborhood.Had learned a valuable lesson about Halloween, and will be turning his porch light off at sunset this year.Keith the Cop has his own room at Ant's house.Is a fan of "the era" of World War II; this is sometimes confused as him being a fan of Nazism (not that Anthony minds the insinuation).Known to get angry at other drivers during his commute to and from work; racial epithets are often used.Used to own a cat, Jack Jack, given to him by Steven S from Bayshore (as he liked to remind everybody).Does a lot of drinking.Known for doing a lot of gambling. He won so much money at Mohegan Sun one time that the casino arranged to fly him and his family out there in a private jet.Is very fanboyish during some interviews and will sometimes take over the interview (examples: Shawnee Smith, Ken Burns, and Terry O'Quinn and Michael Emerson from Lost); he also took over the interview when he and Opie appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman.Currently drives a Shelby Mustang and a Cadillac Escalade - often at dangerous speeds (as evidenced by the numerous times he's been stopped by cops).Enjoys attending Renaissance Festivals, where he dresses up in a Medieval ensemble and carries with him "The Sword of the Gay."Has a Call of Duty 4 team called The GAAYSWas in a "serious" relationship with CW11 traffic girl Jill Nicolini.The couple was known as "Antholini" during their time together.The relationship ended horribly when Jill caught Ant with another girl.Really likes his guns. He has several pistols and long guns. He also has a CCW for New York state.Does not have hair plugs; they are individual follicles placed artistically in the direction in which the hair grows.Likes to date much younger womenTook a 17-year-old to his high school reunion in 2009.Took a girl to the hospital for asthma and she had to be treated in the pediatric ward.Had a couple of stalkers. One visited Anthony at The Compound. Another, The Cunning Linguist, was harassing Ant online.Tortures himself by watching horribly fake reality shows. He finds himself watching marathons of TruTV's Hardcore Pawn and other badly faked shows on that network. Anthony usually goes off on long rants on how bad the show is.When he isn't watching TruTV, Anthony is watching Pawn Stars, which is often referenced, Hoarders, Hoarding: Buried Alive, Toddlers and Tiaras and many other weird shows.Is a registered Republican. (June 5, 2012)Got to hang out, drink and shoot guns with Daniel Craig. Daniel even sat inside Ant's Shelby and shot his 50. Cal. Needless to say, Ant was a giddy little boy that Bond was at his house.Would pretend to cum inside his ex-wife Jennifer, then go into the bathroom to jerkoff into the toilet. This was to make sure he didn't have any kids with her. (November 8th, 2011)Has worn women's panties. Anthony says he likes the silk of them, but hasn't done it in years. From what Ant says, he does not do it because it's sexual, he does it because it's "silly" to see his boner stick out the top of them. (January 26, 2012)Anthony, as a kid, was told he was "Nigger Rich" after he received money and wanted to spend it all that day. This could be one of the earliest stages of Ant's racism. (February 8th, 2012)Hates dogs and kids, but whenever there is a major storm, Travis and his wife, Lisa, stay over with their daughter and dog. Anthony enjoys their daughter, Riley, but doesn't like the dog, Dexter, because it sounds like a zombie from The Walking Dead and constantly breathes hot air onto his face.It is said that Anthony is indeed racist. He's known to yell racial epithets at people in the car and say them in his home, tweet about and yell on the show constantly about black people committing crimes, make extremely racist jokes and get very disgusted when you ask if a black girl is hot, though he has admitted to thinking a few black girls are hot, but other than that he likes his women white, young and skinny. He's often admitted to his racism, but has also stated quite a few times that it is a character he plays on the show. This is highly unlikely. Anthony does have black friends. One named Carlton. Patrice Oneal was his other black friend until he passed away in 2011. Patrice was eventually replaced with another man of color.After the death of Patrice Oneal, he dedicated his grilling area to him, where Patrice would cook for Ant's various parties.Ant is easily scared during horror movies. He especially doesn't like when bodies are twisted and they walk funny.Owns a droneFiringWhile taking photos on the streets of NYC after midnight on July 2, 2014, Anthony was assaulted by an angry black woman for taking photos of her. He was punched multiple times as he continued to take photos. No cops were around for the assault and Ant didn't bother to report it because she threatened to tell the police that he sexually harassed her. During his assault, Anthony noticed that people were starting to watch the whole thing go down. He told them "Back off, this ain't your show". Bobby wasn't impressed by his line (Anthony Cumia Show #13). Afterwards, Anthony took to Twitter and went on a long rant. He later tweeted that he had a dark patch in his vision in the right eye, but later went away. Anthony also tweeted that the attack "validated" his "beliefs". On 7/4/14, SiriusXM caved to media pressure and fired Anthony while the show was on vacation. Plans for The Anthony Cumia Show were announced shortly afterwards, and the broadcast began one month after his firing.Ant is currently suing SiriusXM for the rest of his pay that he claims he didn't receive when fired. He also feels the company didn't have a legitimate reason to fire him. (Joe Rogan Experience #560)Anthony's List of ImpressionsLouie AndersonDominic BarbaraVinnie BarbarinoPatrick Bateman (American Psycho)Yogi BearBeavis & ButtheadBill's Dead old biddyJethro Bodine (The Beverly Hillbillies)BoratHumphrey Bogart (Commander Queeg)Curly Howard (The Three Stooges)Marlon BrandoWilford BrimleyTom Brokaw (AKA Brokenjaw)Brooks (Shawshank Redemption)George BurnsMr. Burns (The Simpsons)President George W. BushJohnny CarsonDavid CarusoCheech & ChongChickenfuckerJulia ChildJed Clampett (The Beverly Hillbillies)Andrew Dice ClayHillary ClintonClub Soda KennyColumboSean ConneryWalter CronkiteScatman CrothersC-3POMike Damone (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)Tony DanzaNeil DiamondCeline DionJames DoohanDaffy DuckR. Lee ErmeyFlorida EvansW.C. FieldsFleaFrenchyGrady (The Shining)Granny (The Beverly Hillbillies)The GreasemanJame GumbMurray Hamilton (Jaws)Chris HansenMr. HayniePee-wee HermanHank Hill (King of the Hill)Judd Hirsch (Independence Day)Hulk HoganDon ImusIron SheikSteve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter)Jackie the JokemanMichael JacksonStar JonesJudySheriff Buford T. Justice (Smokey and the Bandit)Casey KasemBob KellyPresident John F. KennedyLarry KingSam KinisonTed KnightRalph KramdenCharles KuraltLady DiJay LenoTom LeykisGordon Lightfoot ("The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald")Rush LimbaughLucky Strikes SpokesmanBela LugosiMarvin The MartianMaster PoJerry Mathers (Leave It to Beaver)Quickdraw McGrawVince McMahonMayor MeninoBruce MittmanRicardo MontalbanHerman MunsterPresident Richard NixonOzzy OsbournePat from MoonachieSean PennJoe PesciRegis PhilbinPopeyeMaury PovichRobin QuiversPresident Ronald Reagan"Tube Bar" RedRobert ReedBrian ReganTara ReidCharles Nelson ReillyRo' (Ant's mom)Rockhole (WAAF)Ron and FezSol Rosenberg (The Jerky Boys)Barney RubbleRussian strippersChris Russo (Mike and the Mad Dog)Sal (Ant's stepdad)Arnold SchwarzeneggerJerry SeinfeldAl SharptonWilliam ShatnerRobert Shaw (Jaws)OJ SimpsonSimon Bar Sinister (Underdog)Dr. Smith (Lost in Space)Allan SniffenBen SparksSpazBruce SpringsteenStalker PattiSylvester StalloneHoward SternSteve CTarbash (The Jerky Boys)Tippy TomNigel Tufnel (This Is Spinal Tap)Mike TysonJesse VenturaHervé VillechaizeRich VosSuzyn WaldmanJimmie J.J. WalkerDon WestWheelchair FredRobin WilliamsWinnie the PoohEd WoodEd WynnYosemite SamAll clips originally edited and released on BiteMyTorrent.com by Rosiebun1