Go ahead! Wear the hat, smoke the cigar, go on vacation alone!

Good day family and friends!  Today I hope to empower you, embolden you, to step out of your comfort zone and wear things, do things and act, out of the ordinary!  At least out of the ordinary for you!  Have you had this happen to you?  You’re out shopping and you get excited and buy something unusual – a piece of clothing or an accessory, like a hat.  You bring it home.  You think, what occasion will I have to wear this?  You think way too hard! And you are not sure… Well, you should be able to wear anything ANYTIME as long it covers the necessary body parts to make you legal!  In Canada, I think its just your nether regions you have to keep covered up!  Yes, you can flash those breasts… Now you have to keep in mind, the message you are sending to the world with your choices may be important at some times… like a high level business meeting would not be the time to whip out the see through top and short shorts… however…. 

I love  hats and cigars and going on vacation alone!   Did I ever hesitate to do any of these?  YES!  Of course I did,  and often.  But I asked myself, what would happen, if I did do this thing?  What are the consequences of this choice???  And after careful consideration, the usual answer was NOTHING much.  I will get criticized – if by no one else, my mother will have something to say about this!  I will certainly be judged (people are constantly evaluating and judging others… but that is a whole other podcast about insecurity and self laothing… LOL)….  But really, my life will probably go on unchanged much, except for the wonderful reactions I get to experience that my my “presence” creates - in other peoples realms or orbits...  

I often asked myself, why do we hesitate to wear the hat, smoke the cigar or go on vacation alone?  Why do many people shy away from looking “different” or “standing out”.  Why is that?  The overarching motivation not to be different or not stand out, comes from a basic intrinsic need to belong.  “Intrinsic”, I like to call intrinsic the “built in” programming. The experts say that intrinsic needs or wants are driven by the brain – the brain says, use the energy to get me this “reward” – motivated to do this from within - intrinsic – inherent in nature) need to belong.  The need to belong, human belongingness, is an emotional need to be affiliated with and be accepted by members of a group:  be it a peer group at school, co-workers, an athletic team, a religious group, other else but always with some sort of commonality.  We are looking for acceptance, we want attention and we want support.  

In Abraham Maslow’s famous theory on the hierarchy of needs – he identifies belongingness as one of the major needs that motivate human behavior – indeed - love and belonging, is at the mid point of the needs pyramid after physiological and then safety needs.   It motivates us to seek out long lasting relationships with other people.  For romantic, spiritual and other communal attachment.  This was very important once upon a time, long ago - just for survival.  There were no laws, no armies, nor police, by-law officers, butchers, bakers, construction companies and safety-net social security cheques to keep you safe, clothed and fed, irrespective of what you said or did.  You relied on the “group effort” of the tribe for survival.  Being expelled from the tribe was not a good thing.  

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Great articles on psychology topics:  www.verywellmind.com