Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond
Business
How can I feel safe when a relationship becomes unhealthy? Listener question
I developed a connection with someone on a similar inner exploration some time ago, which turned into quite a deep relationship as we both shared vulnerabilities. In this 'inner adventure' on my part there have been revelations around deep-seated people pleasing tendencies which may well have begun in childhood, but no longer feel in alignment with the truth of what I am. The relationship with this person began to shift over time and I became aware of an intensity that sometimes felt uncomfortable and the boundaries felt a bit off. It felt appropriate to distance myself and this resulted in what looked like hurt behaviour from the other person, manifesting with some aggression. There was an immediate rush of fear with me and a sense that I'd been very naive to be so open and trusting and there was a capacity to see in me a tendency to become self-critical and apportion blame. The other person chose to block me on social channels, which appeared to come from a rational, loving place. It was a relief and something I didn't seem to have the courage to do as I was fearful of how it would be received. I see here a strong sense of responsibility for hurting that person, but also an instinctive desire to protect myself and not to accept a relationship dynamic that feels like it compromises healthy boundaries. There is still unease and lots of mixed emotions (and sometimes fearful thoughts and dreams) about this person as they seem to linger in my consciousness, as if there is some unresolved hurt. When I return to 'being' there is a quiet knowing of safety, wellbeing and empathy, but this often is at odds with a psychological self which feels afraid. It's hard to have clarity in these moments, though I see that allowing the feelings is safe and healing seems to come from breathing into this and seeing my own hurt, resentment and fear in the projections of the other - and finding incredible grace (and catharsis) in honouring the little girl in me who is so afraid. I'd love your perspective on this.
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