#10: Step 4: See Where You Have Power Before You Take Action

As you work toward achieving the outcome you want for the situation or event you identified in step 1 of the boundaries clarifier process, it’s crucial to figure out where your power lies—and that’s exactly what I’ll guide you through in today’s episode.

As you’ll learn today, there are four main options for where your power lies in this process. Ultimately, there’s very little that’s fully within your circle of control, and misunderstanding this can lead you to try to take control of things you don’t have power over (like other people), resulting in unnecessary conflict and tension. 

Keep in mind as you work through this step and choose the best-fitting option that as you go through this process, you should end up feeling a sense of confidence, empowerment, freedom, and relief. In other words, please don’t choose an option that leaves you feeling bitter, resentful, or like a victim! It’s normal for more than one of the four options to be possible, and in this episode, I’ll guide you through figuring out which one is the best for you and your situation.

 

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #10:

• Things in your circle of control include how you manage your health, what you eat, how much sleep and exercise you get, how you care for your possessions, how much time you spend with people or alone, how much money you spend, and how you parent your children.

• If you overestimate your circle of control, you might tell another adult what to do, or inform someone that they’re going to do something because it’s your boundary. If you underestimate what you can control, you might not create a boundary that you have the power to create. Both of these misunderstandings of your control are problematic.

• There are four options in step 4. Your job in this step is to choose the option that has the highest likelihood of getting you the outcome that you want. Here are the four options:

• You have the power to create the outcome you want.

• You need help to create an outcome.

• You need to make a request.

• You are powerless in the situation.

 

Highlights from Episode #10:

Victoria welcomes listeners to the fourth episode in a six-part series about the 6-Step Boundaries Clarifier process. [00:31]

We hear a recap and review of the first three steps of the process. [02:01]

Understanding where you have power is crucial to the success of your boundary work. [07:05]

Victoria talks about the problems that come with not understanding the limits of your power and what you have control over. [09:37]

We learn what happens when you don’t see your own power. [12:36]

There are four options in this step. Victoria explains what they are and gives examples. [14:33]

What if more than one of the four options might work for you? [18:46]

Victoria returns to the case study of Uncle Joe, which she has been using through the last several episodes to illustrate the process. [20:01]

We hear about powerlessness, the last of the four options in this step. [25:41]

Victoria gives several pro tips for working through this step. [27:45]

Today we heard about figuring out where you have power in the situation. Victoria briefly mentions what she’ll cover next week, and invites listeners to subscribe to avoid missing an episode. [32:45]

 

Links and Resources:

• Personal Boundaries For Dummies on Amazon

• Victoria Priya

• 6-Step Boundaries Clarifier FREE eWorkbook

• Boundaries Queen Podcast Episode 7: Step 1: Start With Knowing What Isn’t Working

• Boundaries Queen Podcast Episode 1: Getting Started With Boundaries