Kane & Feels: Paranormal Investigators
Technology
Season 2 Episode 4 is out NOW
A broken Kane and a confused Feels try to catch up over a curry.
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WHERE was written by Jack Fitzpatrick and Oliver Morris
The cast in order of Appearance:
Jack Fitzpatrick – Lucifer Kane
Oliver Morris – Brutus Feels
George Ofori-Addo – Riz
Karim Kronfli – The Balti King
Beth Eyre – Thornbush Princess
Mean Mark Waylett – The Yawning Man
Greta Clarkson – Hana Turnwood-Knott
Ali Cambell – Jeanine
Written by Jack FItzpatrick and Oliver Morris
Directed by Jude Hodgeson Hann
Production and Sound Design by Jude Hodgson Hann and Oliver Morris
Composition by Oliver Morris
Sound design was by Jude Hodgson Hann and Oliver Morris and
it was a production for Skadi’s Symphony.
Content Warning:
Drug Use, including alcohol and marijuana.
Peril.
Graphic descriptions of horrifying death.
Gun Violence
Gore
Blood
Panic attacks
Food mention and depictions of eaten food.
Abusive Spouse
Abusive Parent
Loud Noises
Depictions of Witchcraft and Christianity
Kane and Feels is a Skadi’s Symphony Production.
TRANSCRIPT BELOW
Fade in to Kane: John 4:23 has ‘But the hour cometh, and now is’ and there is a similar concept in Abrahamic texts but then in 1818, Scott used ‘The hour’s come, but not the man’ so the arthurian connection came through but we have now the full saying, the saying that overtook the saying that was ‘prithee the opportunity to come the man’ relevant in all things now is: COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE MAN
Feels: Was that councilman Grace?
Kane: Probably still is, it’s probably some sort of tupla. Or like a simulacrum. Or I’ve killed the spite god’s greatest agent on this planet.
Feels: What does any of that mean?
Kane: It means I shouldn’t have a gun
Feels: Agreed? Agreed. How did you have a gun?
Kane: Monty S. Priestly gave it to me.
Feels: I don’t know who that is
Kane: Me neither.
FEELS: Kane jumps over the counter in an awkward sliding motion, nowhere near as fluid as he had hoped. The smell of black powder was there and then the gun was gone and the body was gone and the blood was there, and then gone. Oh bloody hell, I hate this tedious veil magic.
Kane: Quick, follow me!
Feels: Okay! Woo! Yay! Lets do it! C’mon! Woah! C’mon Where we going where we going, over here! Going over there! Mysteries
Kane: Mysteries! Mysteries! Mysteries! Party! We don’t do ghost cases!
Kane and Feels: we Don’t do ghost cases we don’t do ghost cases!
FEELS: I felt embarrassed for saying woo yay, but this was a nice normal thing! Following Kane! We cut a swathe of grey coats and clicking dealer boots across a crowded square. Kane pushed through the door shoulder first, his coat tails at my chest. I was at his heels, ready to get to the bottom of all of….oh, blinking, bleary, Brigh. Kane was gone. Tedious veil magic. I looked back into the The flying horse cafe and saw nothing. The chairs were still on the tables. Twomy St. Dunstan was starting to make me worry about my relationship between action and consequence. I’m sure someone out there was hurting for real. I found a menu. It was for the Balti King, which I remembered? From somewhere… Tuna? I don’t know. It was somewhere here. Twomy st. Dunstan. Postcode? Cool. It says 4pm and it says LK. Right it’s… it’s 7am. Oh goddamnit.
Narrator: Kane and Feels: Daytrippers – Episode 3: Where
RIZ: Iranon has a nice UI, could be cleaner, but it’s pretty. Has everything I need for the feed at least. Since the old bint downstairs died, I can smoke in my room, I light up and make an account – RIZ all caps is available so that’s easy. Channel tab, private room tab, search bar, social media integration. Yeah, this is a fine site. Top streams right now are some dude called Miskatonic doing rubix cubes in a big heap, Zadok234 doing some sort of mystic clone. Getting like 2-4k for puzzle games is decent for anywhere on the internet. Especially, for some special niche site I’ve never seen. I get 2 messages in my PM Box, one is a bot welcome from Iranon the site, telling me to review the rules and agreements. The other is from a user called Nyarlathotep44. He must have something running to automatically welcome new accounts, so that’s nice, I guess. I’m not going live tonight. Maybe… maybe this weekend.
RIZ: I keep having a nightmare in which the fibre optics we’ve been working on programs to help for the telecoms is stretched out in front of me. It’s not a series of lines and channels, it’s not a railway, it’s a web. Asymmetrical and covered in dew like a real web drawn between two posts in a misty morning. Spreading out as far as I can see, and the scary thing is that like a real web, the vibration is information, moving to and fro. Communicating to some spider. It makes me sad because I know… i know it’s my creatively bankrupt mind making sense of the internet. But… but I’m waiting to see the spider. Not the spider that built the web, but the spider that feeds from it. Because the web, the way the web moves… It’s called being a predator.
Balti King: When working with local ingredients, you have to follow the flavour: Is it sharp? Is it sweet? Is it spicy? Does it remind you of home? Of the sea? Of the sand or waves? Do you taste blood? Do you taste honey? Once these questions are answered, add and and adjust until you have something that taps each taste bud. Something that would make mum proud.
Kane: The Balti King. A fixed place with a terrible menu. Fixed in space and time. Not on a lay-line or on a parallel. There was a curry house here, it’s still here. Amazing. The Pegasus vibrates, but The Balti King. The Balti King with it’s mozzarella saag, it’s butter burger, which is actually butter chicken, with beef, served with cheese sauce and chips. I … I actually think that the menu is a sigil that John Dee would find too complicated. I think perhaps Rasputin himself invented half of these. When Isaac Newton poked his eye with a needle the image he saw was The Balti King menu. I sit in. I look at the lunch menu. I have a soda. At this point something occurs.
Hyper-Kane: The Balti King is set. But… But I am not? I better try to get anything out as quickly as possible.
Feels: Kane.
Kane: Feels.
Feels: Are we ever going to use our real names again?
Kane: I see no need, in fact forget you had one, now we’ve been caught once this is the one. I’ve been using mine since college, and others. Ten names each. Twenty. Names have power. Ask any demon.
Feels: So what have you scoped out in this weird Town?
Kane: This town is in a temporal time-space that is siphoning the emotional energy into the water, like the void did to Alice but on a grand magic scale? It exists in a matter of matters, a demon held by tongs by the TONGUE hehehehehehehehehe-
Feels: That’s all? But what about…
Kane: But what about the girl who thinks she’s a princess that parasitically sucks the love from the world around her? Maybe she came first maybe the town did. Maybe maybe maybe.
Feels: So come on bud, what’s the solution?
Kane: The Sea. The sea. The sea is serving the logic, the mirror of the … those souls are the connection. Large bodies!
Feels: What… what happened to you?
Kane: It’s all in me Brutus, it’s fractured and mirrored and fractured and mirrored but I kept it.
Balti King: When working with local ingredients, you have to follow the flavour: Is it sharp? Is it sweet? Is it spicy? Does it remind you of home? Of the sea? Of the sand or waves? Do you taste blood? Do you taste honey? Once these questions are answered, add and and adjust until you have something that taps each taste bud. Something that would make mum proud.
Drugged up Kane: MMMMMmmmmm. The Balti King is set. But I am not? I better try to get out everything as quickly as possible.
Feels: Kane.
Kane: Feels.
Feels: Are we ever going – sorry – are we ever going to use our real names again?
Kane: I don’t know what mine is. Daniel? Something…biblical. Or….are you Daniel?
Feels: So what have you scoped out in this weird Town?
Kane: The town it’s fine, it’s just tired.
Feels: That’s all? But what about…
Kane: But what about that feeling of ennui? That’s just… I dunno the recession. Like this curry house it’s open all night to make those pounds they should be earning for its hard work.
Feels: So come on bud, what’s the solution?
Kane: Well, If we can canvas properly before the next election there’s historically been some chance of changing the MP in this borough. I don’t know if there’s anything magical.
Feels: What… what happened to you?
Kane: I’m on a course of medication for the ‘damage’ I’ve done to my brain. I’m a lot happier now, but I can’t think the way I used to. I think the old things I used to do were hurting my brain chemistry.
THORNBUSH: I went to a party with the fast food girl and her friends. I felt like a bit of a pariah standing in the kitchen, hair pulled in a braid around my temple, maroon ankle length skirt and gold thorn pattern blouse. As the 19:24 pulled past the hedgerows on its way to Litham, I concluded that I would have trains in my kingdom, although I would be Princess, I’d be Princess Regent since as far as I can remember my parents haven’t been around. The more I thought about it the more I worried. On Tuesday I stood at the phone in the shop and just stared at it, trying to remember my home phone number. Trying to remember my parent’s names. I remembered a farm and a…hedgerow? As I stood in a kitchen like this, my flight of fantasy turning into a panic attack. Trains and kingdoms to orphans and nightmares. At that point, a boy, with brown hair and stubble put his hand on my shoulder.
Kane: The Balti King is set. But I am not? I better try to get anything out as quickly as possible.
Feels: Kane.
Kane: Feels.
St Dunstan:
I’m the Yawning Man!
I’m the sleepless man!
I STAND ON GUARD
WITH TONGS. in. Hand.
WoooooOOOOOOOoaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAdyovil
I saw you coming a mile away!
I saw you coming a day away!
I saw you in the streets!
Clutching at the fine, silken fabrics of souls!
Your strings moving with Grace and trickery.
As a child! I saw… I saw it all.
But I knew you were weak, and arrogant, and foolhardy!
A common, thick, Bully!
And I knew, there was nothing to you.
A tale and a mask and a fright’ning story.
Until one day, I awoke. And I had seen you had attached the first string. Holding on firmly, and pulling me astray.
And on that day I joined the faith.
And on that day I joined the church!
And on that Day I learned to Smith!
And on that Day I FORGED A BLADE.
Silvered, as to cut through your threads.
And as i toiled, in dead of night, I made a vow:
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS LAND,
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS PARISH.
WHILE I HAVE MY TONGS IN HAND
WHILE I AM THE SLEEPless MAN
While I am the yawning man.
Garbage Binmen: Yellow Rose of Texas, Yellow Rose of Texas, I’m singing a Cowboy Song! Etc.
Balti King: Hello My Darling, what can I get you?
Hana: Nothing yet, i’m sort of waiting on … those two
Balti King: Yes, they’ve been here a while now. Can I get you anything while you wait? Biryani Cocktail? Broccoli Bhaji?
Hana: Uhh, Yeah can I get the half Tandori Chicken?
Balti King: Excellent choice, and to drink?
Hana: Surprise me.
Balti King: hahahaha
Frightened Kane: The Balti King is set. But I am not? I better try to get anything out as quickly as possible.
Feels: Kane.
Kane: Feels.
Feels: Are we ever going to use our real names again?
Kane: Maybe we should, now the government and the church know these ones we should at least change aliases, I can work on a rubric that they won’t understand the pattern of…
Feels: So what have you scoped out bout this weird Town?
Kane: God, this town, I tried to leave, I tried to run but I get pulled back in weird angles, physically, mentally. I’ve … tried some extreme ways to escape, things I’m not proud of… but the morning sun resets what I do. I have a protection sigil set up in my room…
Feels: That’s all? But what about…
Kane: The spiders? The endless chattering predators swarming? Down the phone lines? I’ve seen them once or twice… they’re predators but they’re… carrion scavengers… they’re waiting for a sacrifice. Someone is being… pushed into the spider web to be… eaten.
Feels: So come on bud, what’s the solution?
Kane: Run. or Hide. We’ve done too much. I’ve ruined this plane of existence with my meddling. I thought I was fighting the other side but instead I just… I just rung their doorbell… and now, they have answered.
Feels: What… what happened to you?
Kane: Are you not listening to me?!? Run, hide!
Jeneane: Pudding and Sweets – Oranges, Whole.
Soak oranges for 24 hours, then boil until tender. Cut a hole in the top and take out all the pulp and pips. Make a syrup, allowing 1 oz sugar for each orange, put the pulp in the syrup and fill the oranges with it. Decorate with Glace cherries, angelica, or split almonds.
Nothing. Not a comment, not a compliment. A dish that spits in the face of nature, and I can’t even get a ‘wow’ out of these carcasses.
Balti King: When working with local ingredients, you have to follow the flavour: Is it sharp? Is it sweet? Is it spicy? Does it remind you of home? Of the sea? Of the sand or waves? Do you taste blood? Do you taste honey? Once these questions are answered, add and and adjust until you have something that taps each taste bud. Something that would make mum proud.
Hana: The Balti King is set. But Kane is not? I better try to get anything out as quickly as possible.
Feels: Kane.
Hana: Feels.
Feels: Hana? Are we ever going to use our real names again?
Hana: Ha, I thought those were your real names.
Feels: So what have you scoped out for this … this weird Town?
Hana: Yes, well. Something is pulling everyone to a very specific point in the sea just under a mile off the coastline of this place.
Feels: That’s all? But what about…
Hana: No, honestly, that’s it. Everything is heading towards it. Even the weird…binman thing. With the cowboy? All the other actions are just… thrashing against the currents. The mental strain must be traumatic.
Feels: So come on bud, what’s the solution?
Hana: I think we need to arrange the key players, those with the most energy and send them out there. To meet what the magnet is. If we follow one of Kane’s ankh naman forecaktur patterns we’ll be safe from everything but a sea storm. And I think I can protect us from that with the right kind of chalk.
Feels: What… what happened to you?
Hana: When I saw through the… everything. When I fell down, I think I realise now what happened. The spinal fluid in my back encased my brain in the cerebral solution needed for magic. I think. When Kane cast his Libertina spell on me, it either kept the fluid … or gave me some of his magic? I don’t know that part for sure. I have a grand library now of my mind but sadly, no index system. Since the dawn of time and the beginning of the other world crashing into ours, the terrestrial physical side has needed certain archetypes. Two of the minor… arcana? Of this cosmology are the rock and the shaman. A grounding point and a man without ground. I think I’ve been… Option selected. I’m the back-up shaman. Maybe by accident.
Feels: Wow. Ok. Okay.
Hana: So Twomy is moving, constantly. It shifts through dimensions and produces tedious veil magic. The Balti King is fixed in place, I think Madame Blavatsky made the short order list. I don’t know if the Shaman thing is locked in place though.
Feels: So what does that mean?
Hana: It means that I might not get to see this one through. I might not even really be here its probably the —
Hana & Feels: Tedious veil magic.
Feels: yeah
Hana: But it’s ok, because I’m not a … detective? Investigator? I can’t do the stuff that needs doing. So the balti king is one thing, and somehow I was there when you handed the sugar? And the statue?
Feels: There’s a statue?
Hana: Shhh, you’ll know the one. It’s all locations, I think, it’s all … location based? I think I hope. We’re working it out. You guys need a checklist.
Feels: You guys?
Hana: Oh yeah! The spinal fluid option select thing, it’s going to coalesce these last … 7 minutes. We’re going to get one Kane for one you and you won’t get that flying horse thing. But if you hear the noise:
They’re attempting a reset for the town.
Feels: How do you know all this? How did you… like how did you make that noise?
Hana: Heh, I’m going to get really good at this. Conduit of the narrative of the universe. Ok, lets go, we need to leave the curry house now, before 8pm.
Feels: Its only… i’ve got 4pm here!
Hana: Yes you did, but that was the original 4pm, this is the 7:56, don’t worry it all makes sense eventually.
Feels: Ok…
Hana: Quick! Quick quick quick! You two need to get the answers this time
Feels: Ah OK!
Hana: And Feels?
Feels: Yeah, Hana?
Hana: Do better than you did with my case.
Feels: No …promises.
Kane: Let’s see it this time.
Feels: Hey Luce. How did that go?
Kane: Really bad. I think there’s still many of me
Feels: Is it weird that I knew that?
Kane: Hm. Twomy St. Dunstan needs a full investigation.
Feels: This whole thing feels like… like being in the tree roots with Alice.
Kane: MM. Yes. But yes, let’s see it this time. Did I um.. Did I give you this?
Feels: Oh no Yeah, we did that. We just did that.
Kane: okay
Feels: Over there/
Kane: okay
Feels: I came from over there.
Kane: Ok, here it comes.
KANE: A purple light rises out of the ocean. You can see it beneath the waves, you can see it hit the shore. You can see it follow the overhead wires, bounce between the insulated electrics, light off every windowsill, split and spill and roll like a wave, nestling in the soil of Twomy St. Dunstan. And it sounds like this:
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