👙🥕 “I wear… Aldidas” — Aldi’ grocery merch. Binance’s crypto brazenness. Subscription cancellation aggravation.
💀 “I talk to famous dead people” — Chat(bot) with anyone. Israel’s startup threat. Carnival’s IOU cruise.
👑 “Queen of the Rental Romper” — Urban Outfitters’ rental win. Apple’s movie theater. Ford’s dating profile.
🔥 “Too Lit to Prohibit” — TikTok’s judgment day. PetCo’s peak puppy. Cash App’s rap battle.
🍸 “Hot Martini Summer” — White Claw’s vodka pivot. The Fed’s 2 monsters. Amazon’s MIA moment.
🍍 “Squeeze that pineapple” — Dole’s fruit problem. Netflix’s on-ramp. Hoka’s Rudy stock.
🇫🇷 “Emily not in Paris” — France’s retirement ruckus. Microsoft’s AI coworker. Rolls-Royce’s literal moonshot.
💍 “A Dearth of I Dos” — Zales’ fiancée shortage. Bank Bailout Glossary. Disney’s digital babysitter.
🤠 “iTed iLasso” — Apple’s marketing nirvana. Air Fryer vs Instapot. TikTok’s American ban.
👟🏀 “Air Money” — Michael Jordan’s sneaker record. SVB’s Smokey the Bear. Ryan Reynolds’ T-Mobile triumph.
🏦 “Mo Money Mo Problems” — Silicon Valley Bank’s Notorious BIG. Chick-Fil-A’s steaknife. Allbirds’ fashion quadrant.
BONUS #3 🪒 The God of Grooming: Jeff Raider, Harry’s, Co-Founder & CEO
👶 “1 week Baby Break begins… today”
🍤 “The empathetic peel” — Chili’s shrimp turnaround. Ferrari’s bank robber. Train derailment profits.
💳 “I only date Costco members” — Costco’s membership magic. Universal’s boy-band power. VinFast’s super-cheap car.
🧃 “The Soda School of Business” — Pepsi’s ultimate MBA. Matthew McConaughey’s Salesforce. Shef’s $100M meal.
🌎 “Master Plan Part 3” — Tesla’s next big thing. A-Rod’s ticket journey. Instacart’s delicious endcap.
😴 “Snorlax wins” — Pokemon’s gamified sleep. Goldman’s un-techoning. Hims & Hers’ hype pills.
🍕 “The Last of the Leftover Pizzas” — Domino’s delivery problem. Lime’s unprecedented scooter. Millennials’ worst debt yet.
🐻 “Winnie The Pooh… but scary” — Disney’s IP Problem. Cash App’s Rule of 40. MolsonCoors’ beer pie.
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