Nearly 2.3 million Americans die each year from wandering into the ethereal black pine forest. Hear how you can heed the warnings of grizzled woodsmen and lonely widowers to keep from succumbing to alluring calls from beyond the trees.
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Government Lobbyists Call For Members Of Congress To Play A Little Harder To Get
Hundreds Killed In Brutal Pro-Something-Anti-Something Clash
New Food Safety Law Requires Restaurant Workers To Take Full Bubble Bath After Using Restroom
Northwestern Hospital Apologizes After Accidentally Switching Couple’s Baby With Random Man In Emergency Room
Serial Killer Clearly Gunning For ‘Parking Lot Butcher’ Nickname
Congress Swoons Over Newly Elected Bad Boy Who Believes Amendments Were Made To Be Broken
Santa Claus: ‘Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!’
Astronomers Say December 24th Will Be Best Chance To See Santa Until 2021
Report Finds Majority Of Business Leaders Visited By 3 Spirits Make No Changes To Lifestyle
Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day
Hottest Toys For the Holiday Season That Your Daughter’s New Stepfather Will Probably Get Her To Make You Look Bad
Health Officials Warn Holiday Travel Could Cause Spike In Millions Of Americans Falling For Old Hometown Flame
CDC Announces Children Will Be Last To Receive Covid Vaccine Because What Are Those Little Twerps Going To Do About It
Nation’s Moms Demand Christmas List
Nation Worried After Catholic Church Issues Really Vague Apology
All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month
Rising Coronavirus Cases Force Chicago To Set Up Temporary Bars In Hospitals
Barack Obama Enrolls In Self-Defense Classes After Trump Rolls Back Secret Service Protection For Former Presidents Named Barack Obama
Brian Kemp Unveils Specially Trained Hogs That Can Root Out Voter Fraud
Pope Francis Bags 6-Winged Trophy Angel During Vatican’s Annual Seraphim Hunt
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