How Much Does Sexual Compatibility Matter?

On this week's podcast, Jess & Brandon discuss sexual compatibility and share their personal experiences while addressing these Qs: How do know know if you’re sexually compatible? What can you do if you’re not sexually compatible? What are the keys to sexual compatibility? What’s the difference between desire and identity? Should you break up if you’re not sexually compatible? How can you find middle ground if you’re not feeling compatible? Jess & Brandon weigh in on these questions and much more! Plus we’ve got a sex toy give-away from Romp Toys, so be sure to tune in! And don't forget to check out our amazing sponsor Adam & Eve. They are offering 50% off almost any item including shipping with code DRJESS. If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here. And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!   Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How Much Does Sexual Compatibility Matter? (00:05): You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Brandon (00:18): Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my always lovely other half Dr. Jess. Jess (00:25): Hey. Brandon (00:26): How are you? Jess (00:27): I’m good. It's been a bit of a heavy week. We keep having heavy weeks don't we? Brandon (00:31): Seems to be the trend. Jess (00:33): Yeah, with the news, with some stuff going on in life. And yeah, I'm actually excited to be having this conversation, because it's just you and me. And I feel like it could be an opportunity to decompress a little where nobody else interrupts. No producers, no nobody today. And we're going to be talking about sexual compatibility, which I don't think we always use the word sexual compatibility but it is a huge issue that comes up in all of the messages I receive from people. Brandon (00:59): Don’t you think the people often reach out to you with sex problems and is it always a sex problem or is it a compatibility problem? Jess (01:08): I mean a lot of it does go down to compatibility, or I see it actually more as expectations when people reach out. Cause they're you know, upset that their partner won't do something or disappointed that their not on the same page, or frustrated that they're not having sex at all. I do think a lot of it has to do with expectations and boundaries, and the fact that honestly folks wait months and years and years and years and years and years before they reach out. And you know, now that I'm so far into this field right? It feels like I just started. But it's been over a decade of doing this full-time, actually it's been longer than a decade. It gets a little frustrating. Because you do want to help people, and also I don't wanna say people are too far gone, but one conversation or a series of conversations or one workshop or one book oftentimes can't resolve this pent up resentment and frustration and shame and hurt that has built up really. It’s over a decade in some cases. So yeah I mean with compatibility, it's really interesting, because people will often reach out and say “oh Dr. Jess, I tried this, I did what you said, I bought them this, I presented them your Ted talk ‘monogamish.’ And they're just not into it, like what do I do?” And the bottom line is if they're not into it they're not into it right? You're not, you don't wanna be convincing somebody. Because then I think we move into that pressure territory. You can present options, you can present and share your case, you can express your desires.