Miry’s List Helps Families Resettle in America

Miry Whitehill is the founder of Miry's List, a non-profit that helps families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors.

As Executive Director, Miry had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the family she works with. She's spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools and nonprofit organizations, helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families and how they can help.

Learn more about Miry's List.

Learn more about The Passionistas Project.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Passionistas: Hi, and welcome to the Passionista Project Podcast where we talk with women who are following their passions to inspire you to do the same. We're Amy and Nancy Harrington, and today we're talking with Miry Whitehill, the founder of Miry's List, a non-profit that helps families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbor.

As Executive Director, Miry had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the family she works with. She's spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools and nonprofit organizations, helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help.

Please welcome to the show, Miry Whitehill.

Miry: Thank you so much for having me.

Passionistas: What's the one thing you're most passionate about?

Miry: Well, my children, I am just, I just love them so much. I have two uh, sons. They are six and nine, and I just love being their mom. It's actually very connected to the thing that I'm second most passionate about, which is helping people, and I love to do that with my kids, and that's kind of where I will be happiest is getting to do those things.

Passionistas: So how does your love for your kids fuel that and, what inspired you to start Miry's List?

Miry: So my youngest, his name is Savo. He's six years old now. When Miry's List began, he was just five months old. And, um, I tell him that he was the one that started the whole organization and he loves to tell other people that, that he was the whole beginning of it.

Because the very first family that I was introduced to, um, it was, uh, by my neighbor Suzanne. She had met a family who had just moved to LA as refugees from Syria. She had met them through her. And she thought to introduce us because they had also a five month old baby boy. And so she called me and she said, Hey, I just met this family.

They have a baby who's just about the same age as Savo and they just moved here. They need some supplies. Do you have a baby bouncer chair that we could give to them? And that's really how it all began. And from the very first visit with the very first family and in the months that followed that, I got to know them better and got to learn more about their.

My kids were with me, and in those first couple of years they were with me for all of those visits with the families. And fast forward six years, this has been an extraordinary journey for all of us. My kids have friends from all over the world. They're bilingual themselves. They speak English and Hebrew, but they also are able to understand like how many languages are spoken in Afghanistan and they are.

Aware of so many things that they wouldn't have been aware of had they not had the experience of getting to meet all of these people through Miry's List. And the same goes for me. I have now thousands of friends who have come from all over the world and it's been an extraordinary experience, really eye opening.

And, and for me it's like, it's the most fun, like when I. Meeting new people. For me, it's like I get to be on an adventure. That's how it feels for me when I meet a new person. So talk about like passion. This is for me, it's like this work is the Venn diagram of my passion, but like coming into a circle,

Passionistas: Describe the mission of Miry's List and how you support these refugee families.

Miry: The mission of Miry's List is to improve the experience of families who are resettling in the United States as. And the way we go about that is through the lens of what would we need if we were new somewhere? And when we say what, we're not only referring to things, we're also talking about more emotional, more intangible things as well.

And then also programming and support and education. And so Miry's List is a 12 month partnership with a family who's. And we will take them through the three pillars of our program, which are survive, hive, and thrive. And based on where they are in those three pillars, we're going to offer them programming that's specifically customized for the challenges that a new arrival family might face in that phase of their resettlement.

So for example, many Afghan families, right? Are, um, coming out of living in motels for a very long time. Back in August, there was a major evacuation of allies and families, um, living in Afghanistan. Many of those families were brought and put into army bases here in the US and then were quickly moved into motels.

All over the country, there's a national housing crisis, and so I think what was expected to be a short-term visit at a motel turned into a very long term visit for many. For families that are moving from a motel where they were with their, you know, maybe mom is with her husband and five or six kids, you know, maybe the kids haven't even been enrolled in school yet.

You know, it's hard to picture enrolling your kids in a new school when you're living in a motel and you're gonna move and you don't know when. We help with, you know, just getting that home set up. So, you know, from the very basics, how many pillows do you need? How many blankets do you need, how many bunkbed frames do you need?

Try to fit beds for eight people in a one or two bedroom apartment. You know, you gotta be pretty strategic about it. And there's some amazing things out there. But, but really it comes, it comes down to, you know, no matter where a family is in that 12 months, it comes down to just asking what do you need?

Passionistas: Get more, a little more into detail on the three pillars, the survive, hive and thrive.

Miry: Survive, hive and thrive is some is a framework that we developed basically giving a name to a thing that was already happening. It was something that we saw that when families were arriving, they were often coming at what we identified as survival mode, which means they have, for an extended period of time, been separated from the ability to make decisions for the.

Survival mode is not a choice. This is not a consensual thing for many families. This is not something where a family decides one day, Okay, we're gonna be refugees now and we're gonna begin this refugee journey. That is not how this goes down. Often when families are leaving, they are expecting to come back home within a couple of weeks or months when things settle down.

So the packing of the bags is not intended to be a long term trip and. For families, for example, coming from Syria, often they would walk by foot to a neighboring country like Jordan in that neighboring country. They are living as, as silos, often without rights, without the ability to work, um, and roll their children in school.

Applying for resettlement in the United States is a gamble. It is literally, I think we looked at the numbers a couple of years ago, but it was like 0.01. Of the people who need a safe haven after fleeing violence and persecution are actually making it to the US to resettle his refugees. So once a family goes through all of that, it's likely that they're gonna get here and they're gonna be exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

And so that first pillar of the program is all about giving families what they need to rest and feel safe. So it could be, does everyone in your family have beds to sleep? Okay. You're sleeping on the floor. Well, it's probably gonna be hard to like talk to this person about enrolling in community college next month and learning a new.

If their back hurts. And so that's kind of how we are able to ensure that when we are providing these resources to families and we're asking them what what they need, we're able to prioritize it based on the urgency. Families with little kids often need a lot of things for kids. School supplies maybe help to enroll the kids in school.

There's families that have immediate health concerns when they get here that they are just needing to see doctors. Parents come here, they're expecting babies and they haven't seen OB GYNs in many months. And so that's kind of the most important thing up front is for families to know that their, um, safety, their comfort is prioritized by the people that work at Miry's List and are volunteers.

Once a family moves into the second stage, which is hive, kind of imagine like surrounding at family with the people and the things and the programming that they need. And so we're gonna work with them to create a wish. That's going to be an extensive list. It could be 30, 40, 50 items of things that they really need to get that home set up to be functional for everyone in the family.

And it could include things that aren't even used in the home, like bikes. Somebody who doesn't have a car and is not familiar with public transportation. A bike might be a really critical thing for helping them learn about their new city and to get to know their new city. And then that thrive phase, which is the third.

We are hoping that that's where all of our families end up. And typically what that looks like is that everyone in the family who's school age is enrolled in school. Everyone in the family who is able to work is working and is learning English, and people generally report having a sense of wellbeing and a sense of a community support system that they are able to call.

So, you know, when we say, do you feel like you have a community support system, really what we're asking is, do you know anyone outside your family? Like who can you call? And when we look at the numbers, the difference between somebody having a support system and not after 12 months, it could be three or four people.

I mean, it could even be one, like just remember like a time in your life that you were new, some. And there was somebody who had, you know, the wherewithal to see you and, and make you feel welcome. That can be transformative. We like to offer our families abundance, and so you know, what we're, what we're striving for is 11 people that at the end of the 12 months, each family will have 11 individual people that they know who are not in their. Who they can call on and vent about their family too. No, just kidding. But we all gotta do it, you know, so.

Passionistas: Tell us a little bit more about this Miry's List community. Who are these people that are working with you and how do you connect them with the families who are resettling?

Miry: So, our community, we, we just call them the hive. This is all of the people that are involved in supporting Miry's List, whether. Volunteering their time, um, coming to our events, working directly with the families, coming to one of our welcome workshops and packing supply kits for families is a really fun way for people of all ages to get involved.

Also, donating money, and that could be something like $10 a month. Like you would be amazed if you would see our reports. I'm just like blown away to see what's possible when a lot of people are giving five and $10. It means we can plan because a monthly donation is something that we can plan around.

And then also one time, um, donations from individual people. I think there was over 10,000 individual people who gave to Miry's List last year, which is mind blowing cuz we've only been around for six years. So the way that we connect. People in our hive with our families is by, first of all, asking them what are you passionate about?

And somebody who really wants to tutor a resettling high school or in English, we have a program for that. It's called Sauna. It's named for someone, a young girl named so who came into our program in 2017. The program name stands for Supporting American Newcomers at Home, and it's a virtual learning program.

We have volunteers that are working with families to help them get jobs to help them figure out how to get a driver's license in their city. We're also working with families in 22 states nationally, and so it is quite a big endeavor of really, really nice people who are being really proactive about wanting to get involved with the families in their community.

And there's only 18 people on staff at Miry's List and. When you look at the numbers, you know, we enrolled our 940th family in our program this week. That's thousands of people at this point. You know, it's, it's, it's really, it's grown a lot and we're very, very lucky to be able to support 32 new families each month.

You know, looking forward, I think we're going to be doing even more to connect American people directly with their resettling neighbors. It. So beneficial and fulfilling and fun on both sides. And you know, that feeling of an adventure, you know, some might feel it as social awkwardness, some might feel it as, I don't feel like myself in this environment because this person doesn't speak the same native language as me.

And I feel just, it feels awkward and like that's okay. Like that's to be expected. And if you've ever tried to have a conversation with somebody who doesn't share the same first language, That's okay. It's supposed to be there. But remember this, if you are having a conversation with somebody who is new here and they don't speak English fully yet, and you are working with them and being patient with them to understand what they're saying, that awkwardness that you feel, you are sharing in the awkwardness that they probably feel all the time. And that is a tremendous gift and, and a memorable one as.

Passionistas: So how do thousands of people are coming into the country? How do you figure out who those 32 people are each month that are gonna be participating?

Miry: We have a process for that, that is through our website. And, um, the majority of people who are enrolled in Miry's List hear about us through a friend or family who's in, um, in the program. So it's a lot of word of mouth. We also talk with lots of people who work in the refugee resettlement sector, so case workers who are working at government resettlement agencies. Sometimes they're referred to Miry's List by their case worker, but typically it's by a cousin or an aunt or an uncle or a sister in the program.

Our application is available online. It's in English, Arabic, Farsi, Ukrainian, Russian. We're expanding to have it available in even more languages. Families apply on the first of the month. Our application will, um, go online at 9:00 AM pacific time, and it will stay open until we are at max enrollment for the month.

So that's 32 families. So what that means is that 32 families have applied uploaded documentation to prove the refugee status and arrival. And we have notified them that they've been accepted into the program since August, 2021. The application has filled within three hours each month, and so during those three hours, we're actually receiving hundreds of applications.

And so to make this feel like we're not doing enough, 32 is actually a really big number for us. A couple of years ago, we were enrolling 12 families each month, and we went from 12 to 25, and now we're at 32. And we hope to be at 50 families a month within the next six to 12 months. But for us, you know, we have to grow at the rate that is doable for the size of our team and the size of our community.

And you know, the worst case scenario for us would be to enroll too many families and then not be able to respond to. However, we know that we are in no way able to keep up with demand. So as far as looking into the future, there needs to be more Miry's list in the future. We know that families need this community support.

It is not instead of what's available to refugees through the government, it is in addition to and to put yourself into the shoes of somebody. Is new here. Might have young kids or maybe an elder parent to care for, maybe they speak English, but the other members of their family don't yet. So they're really worried about, you know, their kids succeeding in school.

You know, we have straight A students who are coming from Afghanistan and then their parents are worried, like, are they gonna be able to excel in another language? And by the way, spoiler alert, the answer is like, yes. Over and over again, our kids are succeeding and they are achieving. They get the certificate.

They are passionate about what they are learning in their schools and make, and the friends that they are making and the teachers that are giving them the attention that's needed. It is so hard to learn a new language at any age, but I think it's really impressive. You know, when I, when I see these success stories, when, when our proud parents are messaging us pictures of their kids', um, in incredible projects and work and, and.

You know, this is, this is what it's all about. You know, getting people to a point where they can just do things that are age appropriate and, you know, for a parent to go from, you know, in six months to go from, Do we need to flee our home because it is not safe for us to live here, to check out this book report?

You won't believe it. They read a whole chapter book in. I mean, that's important. We hope to be able to provide this kind of community support and this cheerleading for as many families as possible, but we're not doing it alone. There are community-based organizations all over the country that are working with resettling families and their communities in addition like us, in addition to what's provided by the government.

And those are the organizations that I feel really, really need the support. Although, you know the agencies that are working on behalf of the go. They are, you know, they're underfunded, they're understaffed as well, but we are the ones that are knocking on the doors and, and really, and really talking to the families about their needs.

Passionistas: We're Amy and Nancy Harrington, and you are listening to our interview with Miry Whitehill. To learn more about how you can support her mission to assist families resettling in the United States as refugees and contribute to her Friendsgiving with Miry's List. Crown Funding campaign, visit miryslist.org.

And if you're looking for the perfect holiday gift for the women in your life, visit thepassionistasproject.com to order our subscription box filled with products made by women owned businesses and female artisans. To inspire women to follow their passions, get a free mystery box with a one-year subscription using the code WINTERMYSTERY.

Now here's more of our interview with Miry.

What impact do global events like the withdrawal from Afghanistan, the Ukraine war, what impact do they have on Miry's List?

Miry: That's a great question. I mean, in the last six years, we have seen, I would say at least three to five refugee crises happen, and, and I'm including Covid in that because Covid impacted vulnerable community.

More than the average person, although everyone was obviously impacted by COVID and still is to a to a degree. In August when Kabul fell and the evacuation of Afghan allies began, we saw a tremendous wave of support. Meaning we had more people filling out our volunteer form on our website. We had more people paying attention to our, our newsletters and our, our calls for help.

Also, the need increased dramatically, and so we raised an extra $250,000 at the end of the year in, in 2021. But we spent an extra $300,000 buying beds and mattresses and pillows and plates and forks and knives and spoons for these families that were pretty much dumped in empty apartments. You know, now we are seeing Ukrainians arrive through the resettlement system and the situation for them is also very difficult.

And it, and it is different, but it is also very difficult and. We are, you know, doing what we can to make sure that we have, that we provide access to support to as many people who need it as possible. So for us, it's looking at, okay, what languages are our documents in? Are people gonna know how to find us if they find us?

Do they have support to enroll? Is it just as easy for somebody from Ukraine to apply and successfully get into our program as someone from Syria or Afghani? And so that means asking, doing more calls for help, asking people who speak more languages to get involved and be on our support teams. We now have an admissions committee.

It's all volunteers. They speak something like 10 or 12 languages amongst the committee, and they have a hotline. And a family could call them and get support in any of those languages to apply for our program. And that's something that we didn't have make available until the last few months when we realized that this was something that not only was difficult for our families, but was very burdensome on our team.

Cause we have, you know, like I said, there's 18 people working at Miry's List. All 18 of us are working directly with families, including myself and. To be able to make sure that the families who are not in the door, but right outside the door, that they are able to access programming. You know, that's its own beast, and I think that that's what we have to do more of, kind of regardless of what's happening in the world for refugees, we know that there is a ongoing need for community based support for newcomers, and we wanna be.

We didn't, we didn't see this last Ukraine refugee crisis coming. But between the time that we heard about it happening and then the time that Ukrainian families started to arrive here for resettlement, either through the system or by presenting themselves for humanitarian and parole status at at the border, you know, we had time to prepare ourselves by, you know, getting those resources translated by bringing on more.

And that's kind of what it looks like. And we're not a licensed resettlement agency. There's literally nothing that Miry's List can do to make it more likely that the US government will approve more refugees to come to these. This country, we don't work with the government. We don't take money from the government.

We don't apply for government grants. We are here for the families who have arrived and so, Maybe you've heard about, um, the Biden administration increasing the, uh, refugee cap. They approved a hundred thousand. Ukrainians would be resettled here as refugees. Those are things that we pay attention to, but those numbers are often the ceiling, so it's a up to.

And so even if we have an increase of the refugee cap, Keep in mind that that isn't up to, So when the families arrive, that is when we are paying attention, not when a government agency makes an announcement that is all over the news and it's in the New York Times about, Oh, it's so great that there's this presidential executive order, but what does that look like for families? Okay.

Are are, is this gonna be a hundred thousand people that are gonna be stashed in motels for six months until nice people figure it out and invite them to stay in their guest houses? Like what else is the government doing outside of this? Honestly, it's a very broken system and I'm curious now, I mean, I, I, I've always been curious about this, but I'm extremely curious right now.

Historically, Miry's List has supported families who are from Syria, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, maybe five or six other countries, but most of them are in that region. This is our first time having families from Europe in our program. I'm wondering why are there challenges so different? You know, and this is just based on the, you know, I think we're now working.

Somewhere between 10 and 12 Ukrainian families. I'm trying to learn as much about what their experience has been as possible, because I wanna understand how the government is handling this, and also I wanna know how we can jump in to fill those gaps. So this is kind of something that's unfolding. While we're having this conversation.

So I guess it's like, thank you so much for prioritizing this. Um, and like, and just inviting me to talk about this today. What are those different challenges? How are the Ukrainian families challenges different from the other countries that you've experienced? So far, we have not seen the same process when Afghan families were evacuated, um, beginning in August.

And, and by the way, Afghan families can continue to arrive. Most of them, as I mentioned, started out in army bases. So we had hundreds and thousands of people in army bases just kind of continuing their refugee experience here in the US for. We don't have army bases full of Ukrainian families. I just don't understand that.

Why is their experience so different? This is the same system. It's, it's the state department's refugee admissions program. So why is, What is the difference? It's upsetting also. It's like not their fault. And like we have to remember that no matter what we learn, you know, like what we're talking about right now is something that's like deep seated systemic racism.

That's what we're talking about. You know, there's a lot of really, really difficult things that I have learned about that, about how the system works for refugees. And it started back in 2016 when I met that first family, you know, just visiting them in their home, looking around. I'm like, Why don't they have a crib mattress?

They have been living in this apartment for three weeks and we couldn't get a safe bed for the baby in that. Like the first day I met them, I brought a mattress. I just had an extra one in my garage. But I'm like, how is this a system that doesn't prioritize the safety of a child? And that was the beginning of me learning about this, this system.

Um, I also learned a lot about the financial burden of resettling, which means that it costs a lot of, For families to come here through the refugee admissions program, and also they often have to take on debt to do so. That debt is held by the resettlement agency or the government. So, you know, imagine like inviting someone over for dinner and then giving them the bill, except a dinner is what, $30 a flight, which by the way, is a one-way flight for them.

This is on average incurring debt of $1,100 per person, and that's just based on the hundreds of families that we surveyed about their, their, um, refugee travel, loan debt. What were they thinking?

Passionistas: So they bring them here, but they charge them for it?

Miry: And they start out in debt. The bills are become due six months after arrival, which is a full three months after the case worker has closed their case.

Often at six months, people are still under. What were they thinking? Here's what they were thinking. This this system was designed. Oh, well, let's find a way that refugees can build credit when they arrive so we'll, we'll have them sign a promissory note so they'll reimburse us for the cost of their flights.

I, I know it's a ridiculous thing because it doesn't build credit. It actually means that families are starting out with bad credit because the system is not supporting them to get jobs and just like everything else that's needed to be able to pay a bill on time. So there are so many difficult and really kind of icky things that I have learned about the way that this system is.

Ultimately, who is the one that is most impacted? These families? These families who did not choose this? These families who miss their home very much and the family members that they had to leave behind. And all they want is to live a normal life, which means being able to wake up in the morning, drop their kids off at school and go to work.

You know, I don't have an explanation for all of this and like I often will be in conversations. People who ask me questions about, you know, why I don't understand. They told us that we could come. Why are we still in a motel? Why can't we find an apartment? I don't know why the case workers can't get them into housing, and I know that this is a problem across the whole country.

Some places it's a little easier than others, but in Sacramento it's a ma major crisis in, in Orange County, this is affecting hundreds of people in San Diego. Same story. I have personally co-signed apartments for at least 12 Afghan families in the last six months because it is impossible to get an apartment without a co-signer without cash up front.

Some landlords are even asking families to pay a year of rent up front in cash in order to give them an apartment. So that's why families are living in motels long term. A individual person jumping in. Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna co-sign for you cuz I have a credit score and I can actually un established credit is actually worse than no credit.

I'm sorry. Un established credit is worse than bad credit because you can't even pull a credit report for somebody who has a social security number that was just processed.

Passionistas: Tell us about a, a couple of success stories that you've witness.

Miry: I sent out, uh, our newsletter every, every two weeks. We send a newsletter. It's called Hive, Around Five, and we feature five families with their photos. And we have a bio and a link to their family's wishlist so people can be part of this support hive for these five families. At the top of this week's newsletter, I had a letter from a young man named Mohamed. He comes from Afghanistan.

He's a highly skilled engineer, software engineer, and. He arrived with his wife, uh, who was several months pregnant. They originally were in an army base in Virginia. And ultimately when it was time for them to, uh, to leave the base, they kinda asked, Where do you wanna go? ? Pick a city in the, in the un. And he, um, did some Googling and he was like, All right, well for what I do and this kind of engineering that I do, I gotta be in silicon.

And so he and his wife, his pregnant wife moved to Silicon Valley and she's also, um, in the same industry as well. She's also an engineer, but they, they met working at the same company in Afghanistan, I think she was in the HR department, and he was in the engineering department. And, and that's how they met and that's their love story.

And when they came to Sacramento, we were able to link them up with a computer engineer who, um, is in Silicon Valley. Somebody who volunteers with Miry's List because he wants to help people get jobs and they were able to work on their, on his resume together. Um, he ended up securing a position, an engineering position at, that's at the same level that he was at, at his, in his position in Afghanistan.

They also had their first baby, a little girl. And she is thriving. And, and, and mom and dad are doing very well also because they are feeling that they have a community of people who care about them. And it's not only me and the other people that work at Miry's List and this nice volunteer George who has really made it his priority to make sure that he has access at, you know, to networking and professional opportunities.

But it's also just like we are updating him about all of these families that we're helping, and it brings him peace of heart to know that it's not just their family that has this, this support that we are able to do this for many, many more as well. You know, one of the things that we see when families get into that third, um, pillar of Thrive is service is a big part of it.

So we have lots of families participating as volunteers, not only as interpreters, but also doing things like donor outreach and involved in a. All kinds of ways at Miry's List and then also other organizations. We're not like, Oh, you have to volunteer at Miry's List, but encouraging people to be involved in service work in their community, it is incredibly gratifying.

Passionistas: How can people get involved and what can they do?

Miry: I'm so excited to send you all the links. We have so many great ways to get involved through our website. Not only writing welcome letters, but also getting involved as a volunteer either virtually or in person. All of those opportunities are described on our website.

Ultimately, what we want is for people to be volunteering in ways that are really meaningful to them, because that means that they will stick with us. Also, there are plenty of people that volunteer one time, and that's great too. And as far as the writing, welcome letters, that is something that can be done by all ages.

You can do it at home, you can do it in a classroom, you can do it at a birthday party. It's something that is, it can be quite fun. Um, we have a guide, so you can either write from your heart or you can use our guide or somewhere in the middle, but it will take you through five steps to write a perfect welcome letter.

We have big goals and you know, not only to be able to support more families. But also to be able to scale what we're doing and to reach more people in more resettlement communities across the us. And so in order to do that, it's not just about getting people involved by sending gifts to our families and writing letters, we also need people to support our organization, which is the infrastructure.

It means that we can hire people and train them and make sure that they have everything that they need to help the people in their c. This is something that we, we fundraise for annually in the entire month of November and into December as well. It's called Friendsgiving with Miry's List and it's a crowdfunding campaign.

We launch it on November 1st, and um, we are raising the funds needed to support families who will arrive in 2023.

Passionistas: Thanks for listening to our interview with Miry Whitehill to learn more about how you can support her mission to assist families resettling in the United States as refugees and contribute to her Friendsgiving with Miry's List crowdfunding campaign, visit miryslist.org.

And if you're looking for the perfect holiday gift for the women in your life, visit ThePassionistasProject.com to order our subscription box filled with products made by women owned businesses and female artisans. To inspire women to follow their passions, get a free mystery box with a one-year subscription using the code WINTERMYSTERY.

And be sure to subscribe to the Passionistas Project Podcast so you don't miss any of our upcoming inspiring. Until next time, stay well and stay passionate.