84. How To Identify Shame - And Crush It For Good!

Welcome to episode #84!

In this episode, Matt and Braden go over the two ways shame manifests in our lives, the specific factors that allow shame to grow, and what to do to crush it for good!

There are two ways shame manifests itself
When we have shame, we will engage in soul isolation, physical isolation, or both.

Soul isolation is when we are with people, but don't let anyone in. We are protecting ourselves because we don't want anyone to see the worst parts of ourselves. We are embarrassed by the sins we've committed or some things about ourselves so we put on a good face to cover up.

Physical isolation is when we keep ourselves from even seeing people. We stop seeing friends or break off relationships due to feelings of inadequacy or failure.

In which areas of your life do you operate in either soul isolation or physical isolation?

Three factors that make shame grow
Secrets, silence, and judgment make shame grow in our lives.

When we carry secrets, the shame that we feel around the secrets grows and grows until the narrative in our head about our failure becomes a stronghold that is hard to overcome. We need to not live with secrets.

Even if we don't have secrets, we might stay silent about an area of our lives that we don't want to address. Other people may know about our shortcoming, but we go silent any time an opportunity arises to address it. This is very common when shame is present.

Judgment is not always a bad thing, but when we judge ourselves heavily based on the mistakes we've made, we are judging ourselves in an ungodly way outside of the cross of Christ. God sees ourselves through the lens of the cross that is filled with so much grace. When we carry shame, we are blocking the grace of God from really penetrating our hearts.

Three factors that crush shame
God modelled for us what it looks like to give love, empathy, and a restored identity to those caught in shame. When we feel shame, we need to go to God and other people with openness and honesty about what we've done so that we can receive love and empathy from them. Whether the person you open up to reminds you about your true God-given identity or not, God will always remind you through scripture and time spent with Him. Agree with His words in the way you talk about yourself so that His words over you will be your foundation.

Share this with your friends
Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe
Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! Next week, Matt and Braden talk about various kinds of support needed in marriage - and when to utilize each one. Make sure to tune in!

Episode Sponsor
KB Crypto - Get paid weekly with returns of up to 15% monthly!

Resources
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+

Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Book a FREE call (men)

Course for marriages

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free

Podcast Hosts
BRADEN HAFNER
Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 12 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE
Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honored to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.