214. WHEN YOU SPEAK A BOUNDARY.

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Reading an unpublished piece which begins, "Dear One. When you speak a boundary..." My new book, Fragrance After Rain, is available online at booksellers worldwide, in both hardcover and softcover. You can be a precious part of our book launch by posting your copy on Instagram, tagging #jaiyajohn, encouraging others to purchase, posting readings of your favorite passages, and by sharing online book reviews. My whole heart cries Grateful. jaiyajohn.com. Books online everywhere...

Episode text:

Dear One. When you speak a boundary and do not uphold it, you have not actually set a boundary. You see? A boundary is not a word. A boundary is an act. An act of integrity between you and you. A promise not to betray yourself. A follow through on your sacred word. A consistency between word and behavior. A boundary is also a practice of being true to yourself.

Maybe you are so afraid of being abandoned that you abandon yourself. You abandon making space and spirit for what you desire and need. You prevent the people and things that could be your blessing from having a place in your life. Who are you holding space for and why? It is good to ask this question daily. And to answer bravely.

Trauma can cause us to act against our own interest by filling our life with people who violate our boundaries, and impeding the presence of those who would honor our boundaries. Gentle now. No need for guilt or shame. These words are Love's clarity.

People pleasing is not just an inconvenience to yourself. It is a theft of your life space, energy, and fertility. Gentle now.  

If you were violated when you were young, you may very well associate being violated with Love. If your habit muscles for pleasing others are stronger than your habit muscles for healthy Love relations, sacred Love will be elusive. The answer is to strengthen your discernment muscles for healthful, mutually honoring relationship. Yes? 

When you speak a boundary and then accommodate a person's violation of that boundary by remaining available to them in the same way as before, you are inviting them to interpret your accommodation in ways that serve them, not you. They can with good reason tell themselves that you must not have meant what you said. That you must want them to be with you how they have always been with you. You signal this by betraying your boundary. 

And if you yearn for more space for yourself in your life, but keep flooding your life with the presence, energy, spirit, and motives of others who violate your stated boundaries, you are creating your own drought of space for yourself. You see?

When you uphold a boundary, you are nullifying an agreement with another person written in the ink and ether of your joint history together that says, "I assent to how you are with me." You are presenting new, non-negotiable contract language backed by your willingness to release the prior relationship.

A boundary is a personal habit. A form of hygiene. You keep yourself and your life clean and free for what you want by honoring what you say through what you do. You exude this habit energetically. You do not control how others respond to your boundaries. This is not the point of a boundary. Your boundaries are for your wellness, peace, and fulfillment of the life your soul desires. 

You can learn to be gentle with yourself, within yourself, in the way you nurture your boundaries. You do not have to destroy your soul with rage. Each day, pay Loving attention to how you exist in this world. Learn to discern what heals and helps you from what numbs, distracts, harms, or uses you. Speak your boundary and you plant a seed. Honor your boundar

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