How to Increase Desire in the Bedroom

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman talks about the trouble with mismatched libidos and why so many couples struggle to establish complementary sex drives.

“One of the most common issues my clients have is that one partner wants more sex than the other,” says Dr. Berman. “Generally, this is an issue that presents early on in a relationship, but over time the issue grows and grows…as does the resentment.”

Dr. Berman explains that mismatched libidos can often trigger a vicious cycle, a cycle which couples may not even be aware of or realizing that they are perpetuating.

“Here is what often happens: The partner who keeps getting turned down for sex becomes resentful and insecure. They start to pull away, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unconsciously. The pet names and romance and affection start to disappear. As these things fall by the wayside, the sex drive only continues to plummet and both partners grow apart bit by bit. This is why mismatched libidos can end up derailing your entire marriage, if the issue is left untreated.”

So what can couples do?

In this episode, Dr. Berman explains how you can naturally increase your libido, such as by doing something dangerous together.

“If you go on a roller coaster, or go skydiving, or even just watch a scary movie together, it can increase adrenaline and dopamine which will mimic that excitement you first felt for each other when you began dating,” says Dr. Berman.

Dr. Berman also discusses how couples can start to find moments for spontaneity and create more eroticism and novelty in the bedroom.

“You can have the sex life of your dreams,” says Dr. Berman. “But you’re the one responsible for making that happen. It won’t just occur overnight, and you have to be willing to get of your comfort zone and really challenge yourself to take ownership of your sexuality.”

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