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Anna Rova on Pregnancy, First Trimester Hell & Connecting to Feminine Power
“Felicidades! Estas embarazada!!!”
After a devastating couple of months it feels like I’m emerging out of the depths of the misery of my first trimester. I literally almost gave up at the end of it. I didn’t want anything. I didn’t have an interest in anyone. Some mornings I was waking up, dragging myself to the yoga mat, only to lay there and cry. For days and hours, I just laid on the couch mindlessly staring into the empty corner of the living room, the floor or some useless Netflix movie or series. Nothing was exciting. I started questioning life and why I’m here. I was so apathetic; I was missing parties, yoga classes, salsa and other stuff. I didn’t have the physical or emotional energy. It was mostly hormones, I assume, but something more profound than that struck me.
I was frustrated that I have to go through this and not String. Why?
Why do I have to go through nausea, tiredness, anemia, and anxiety and he doesn't? I started fearing for my future body... Stretch marks, crazy extended over-sucked breasts. Flappy belly and the extra weight. Having the baby chained to my breasts. Not having a normal life again. I want to go diving for f*ck sake!!! Why can’t I go dancing, getting high, trying crazy things like I usually do?!!? Why!! My life is gone forever. That was me for like two months.
No wait, that was not me. That was a confused, scared, hormone infused, overwhelmed and crazy me. I know now because the normal me is back. I am quite excited about the baby now!!! It took a couple of stages to get here. I had a session with a psychotherapist (highly recommended!) and many talks with girlfriends and family. I have a supportive husband who was running around ice-cream or whatever else I wanted. Who dropped everything and came home to take care of me when I was throwing up.
I went from anger, frustration, disappointment, fear, and confusion to acceptance, surrendering and letting go. I just gave in. I looked at my tattoo daily:
“It is what it is.
We are where we’re at.
This too shall pass.”
It did pass. And here I am. In full awe and appreciation. And gratitude. I’m excited. In love with life and in fact, I find advantages! I have a team now!!! Like it’s me and her who are tackling life! I feel the creative life and force. Like I’m not alone. We can do all this together. Take on business, life or anything together! Weird stuff, I know! Curious if any new moms experienced this.
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