Stargate (1994)

Is "Stargate" as good as "Star Wars?" Maybe not. Is it every bit as fun? Possibly!

Roland Emmerich's 1994 ode to Ancient Egypt boasts a surprisingly kickass musical score,  some super creative costuming, and possibly the secrets to where Saddam Hussein hid his yellow cake. But it isn't without its problems.

Your main villain, Ra, is utterly impractical with his security forces (what's with those helmets?), spacecraft (who flies a pyramid?), and body choice (may we suggest being Rodrigo Santoro next time?).

Your heroes, despite being a hot James Spader and steely Kurt Russell, are hamstrung by terrible tactics (camping out in the open), a useless team (who cast French Stewart as a commando?), and little balls on their berets. 

And your main attraction, the titular Stargate, is a giant combination lock that ripped off "The Abyss" and defies any semblance of science. 

But none of that matters because this was the movie we all needed in 1994: fast-moving with a little action, a little romance, and a lot of half-naked children.

In this episode of "Shat The Movies," we learn Big D didn't pluck his wife from the jungle, teachers are nerds, and why you should always "sleep with the gift."

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