Social Anxiety - what you experience and how to address it

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Social anxiety affects large numbers in society. Judging by current trends it is on the rise and affects in particular but not exclusively people in  their 20s.  Social anxiety is the persistent and troublesome fear that other people will judge you (negatively), that you won't be able to engage with others or that you will say or do something that will leave you humiliated or ashamed.

Social anxiety is much more than just feelings of shyness; it is 'shyness on steroids'.  Also, people who are introverted don't necessarily struggle with social anxiety. Introversion is a personality trait but not a mental health condition.

Because of the intensity of the fear those struggling with social anxiety will often attempt to avoid the very situation that causes the fear in the first place. This creates difficulties if you are looking to meet a partner and are highly fearful of being exposed in a dating situation.

We briefly talk about the brain science behind anxiety, in particular the role of the amygdala, the small almond shaped region in your brain that controls fear responses. In people with social anxiety there is a significant  increase in amygdala responses.

The only way to address social anxiety is to create experiences that show you that your underlying assumptions about a social situation may not be true. The more you lean into situations that are scary for you, the more you will eventually lose the fear of these situations.  In therapy, anxieties are usually addressed through gradual 'exposure' to the very situation that you invest with so many negative associations.

Often socially anxious people are fearful of not having anything to talk about when going on a date. As a conversation starter you may want to look at the New York Times The 36 Questions that Lead to Love - some of the questions are quite intimate, others are great for exploration and to initiate a discussion that may be quite interesting.

If you want to explore in more detail how you function in relationships, head over to our comprehensive course, The Relationship Maze. We help you understand yourself and your partner, improve your communication skills  and work on building a long lasting, loving relationship.

Here's what one of our subscribers had to say about the course: 'I found the strategies suggested enabled me to see myself differently and explain why repeated approaches to relationships always had the same outcome. A real “light bulb” moment for me. There is a great wealth of material available on this site - such great value for money. I highly recommend The Relationship Maze'

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