A Thank You Letter to Porn

This week is a really busy week. YM camp up in Enterprise and speaking at a Youth Conference here in town.

The more angst that we have toward pornography, we think is going to create the motivation to stay away.

But what that is more likely doing is giving it power over you.

I think we think that if we create a harsh relationship with something, it will banish that thing from our lives.

Often, the more we hate something, the more power it seems to have over us. It, somehow gets to live in our heads rent-free.

When we are angry and bitter toward someone or something, that anger won’t let us move past that issue.

How has hating porn helped you in this struggle?

When we acknowledge it from a place of gratitude, we can acknowledge the role that it played in our life, learn from it more fully, and move beyond it when we’ve grown past it.

Acknowledging the role that pornography played in your life.

Acknowledging ways that porn helped you to survive when other coping methods didn’t work.

This thank you, has allowed me to claim back my choice, claim back my ownership of my life and create closure from it.

Gratitude for what it has done for us while also moving toward and choosing something that we do want, helps us move forward with power.

It’s time to break up with porn.

Dear porn,

Thank you for being the trial that made me into a better person. I know that seems strange to say, but it’s the truth.

Because of our relationship, I was driven to be an amazing provider and hard worker.

I’m not proud of all the things I did with you and all the ways that I used you to mitigate my short-term discomfort. But I realize now, that’s not your fault. That was my choice and not something you made me do.

Because I chose porn, I had a ready system to fall back on when my ability and skill at dealing with my life wasn’t enough. But I also used you as a crutch when I could have stood on my own. And that’s not your fault either. I chose that. So, thank you for being there and helping me when I really needed to do it myself.

Thank you for helping me learn empathy. I’m grateful for my capacity to be kinder to those who struggle and less judgemental of their flaws.

When I see someone who struggles with life, I used to wonder why they couldn’t get it together. Now I realize that they are just learning, growing, and trying their best. If I really want to help them, I can be there for them without judgment and with empathy for what they are going through.

I also want to thank you for helping me find my purpose in life. Without porn I would probably never have become a coach helping people solve their own pornography problems.

Here’s something that I never thought pornography would help me with, ever! Thank you, for helping me build the relationship, love, and intimacy that I had always wanted with my wife.

Without this struggle, without pornography being the focal point of our marriage for so many years, I would not have learned to be honest and open with Darcy. I would not have learned to trust her, listen to her, and value that I can tell her anything, knowing that she can handle it and that we can resolve it, together.

Thank you, for catalyzing this growth and helping me learn that I would be able to trust Darcy.

I realize that most people who don’t want you in their lives see you as the reason for their misery. But because of you, I was able to learn how to become happy. Not because you make me happy, but because I had to learn the skills to leave you behind, and those skills I get to use in so many parts of my life to grow and learn, which makes me happy.

Thank you

Darcy thought it might be cool for her to also write a thank you letter to porn.

Dear Porn,

I use to hate you! I used to believe you were going to ruin my life. I viewed you as a threat to my safety. I was angry towards you and full of resentment. I was bitter and at times jealous of you and the control and power you seemed to have over my husband. If I am being 100% honest the power you had over me too.

Those days are OVER!!!

Never in a million years did I think I would be writing you a thank you note or that I could even see that beauty that came out of our relationship. Thank you for helping me grow in ways I never knew were possible. Because of you, I have been able to share my story and be vulnerable in big ways. Thank you for helping me learn that Zach and I could work through hard things. Because of you, I realize how strong I really am and how capable I am of facing the truth even if it’s not what I want to hear. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help others who are struggling. If it wasn’t for you, I would have never been able to learn and grow in ways that were hard but also rewarding. You helped me learn that all people are struggling with something in their lives. You helped me realize that I am stronger and more capable than I thought I was. Because of you, I was able to learn to take back my power. I have learned that my power is mine and I don’t have to give it away to anyone or anything. I have learned to love myself and my imperfect body because I am REAL!! I don’t have to be like you to be enough because you are not real, you are pretending to be real. I am enough because I am me! I am a real human who can love and receive love.

I realize our relationship hasn’t always been easy but, because of you, I am the person I am today. I have learned to love others who are struggling with hard things. I have learned to see people as real people, not just the things they struggle with.

Thank you for the time and role you played in my growth. I will forever be grateful for the challenge you brought into my life because without you my life would look very different. You forced me to snap out of my fairytale and learn to truly love someone for who they are flaws and all. I love the person I have become and the person I am growing into and I am willing to thank you for the part you played!