115. Purity Culture: Helpful Or Harmful?

Welcome to episode #115!  In this episode Matt and Braden discuss purity and how it really is a matter of the heart! They also discuss purity culture and how it focused more on behaviour modification vs transformation which caused unintended harm when it comes to understanding sex and God's design.

Purity culture and messaging
Purity culture in the church really stemmed from a response to our world, and it focused on the behaviour of avoiding sex, masturbation and porn. Part of the problem that did arise was the messaging became harmful in that talking about sex (and porn) became taboo and avoided altogether. The messaging became to avoid all sexual topics or behaviour to remain "pure" before marriage, and then it was expected that all of a sudden, sex would no longer be taboo and could be enjoyed within marriage. While the goal of being celibate before marriage is so important, the boundary markers that God gave were not talked about in regards to the "why". This created hiddenness, confusion, doubt, fear and even levels of acting out sexually due to curiosity.

We have to talk about it!
God's design for purity and sex is a beautiful picture, but that is not the message that was received for those of us who grew up in the purity culture. Instead we may have come to view sex as dirty, wrong or even shameful, and that even may have altered our view of God. We may have come to view God as a "killjoy" who wants to stop our fun, or even being angry at us for our sexual desires. But that is the furthest thing from the truth, and while He has set up boundary markers for sex, His design is for our benefit. He created sex and He best knows how we can enjoy that in the way he designed it. That is why we need to talk about God's design for sex, and how good that truth is for all of us!

Purity is more than just behaviour
Purity can be seen as simply what we do or don't do in regards to sexual activity. But purity is really about our heart, and our behaviour flows out of a transformed life. We are pure because of Jesus, and understanding that truth is essential to living in purity. Our behaviour alone is not enough to achieve "righteousness", a right standing with God. Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and have fallen short, and in verse 24 it continues saying that all are justified by the grace freely given through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. We are made pure because of Jesus, and when we miss that all important truth, purity becomes about our works and our behaviour above Jesus. But when we grasp that truth, our behaviour falls in line with the work Jesus has done and is doing in our life. That doesn't absolve us of responsibility, but it entrusts the work to Jesus working in our lives.   

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Resources
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+

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Podcast Hosts
BRADEN HAFNER
Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 13 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE
Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.