42. Get Out of Your Head Now!

If you claim not to have a “worst” character trait, you can probably add dishonesty to the list. I think almost everyone has struggled with at least one bad trait. The good news is that those negative traits we fear may be holding us back can actually end up being the unlikely driver that propels us forward. But how do we learn to love the very characteristics we like least? How to transform those negative quirks into sources of strength and self-love? How can we change for the better? Like many women, I was afraid of my own voice. I was scared of what would happen if I acknowledged and expressed my feelings. Above all, I feared people would leave me if I shared my deepest feelings. The need to voice out was natural and necessary, but my belief that it was wrong prevented me from taking ownership of my voice. So, instead, I communicated in unhealthy ways. I was passive-aggressive, I had anger outbursts, and many times, I would play the martyr. And as I tried to suppress and control that side of me, it came out in waves of anger and pain. After years of transformation, I now understand that many of my behaviours were based on my belief that things are either all good or all bad. So how did I unlearn this belief and learn to express my authentic voice? By learning how I played the black and white game. When we are young, we are taught that some aspects of our personality are bad or inappropriate, while others are good and helpful. And like most things we learn as children, we have to unlearn them. So to fit in, feel loved and be accepted, we deny the ‘bad’ qualities we think we have and try to express those considered ‘good’. This polarised mindset forces us to see the world in terms of black and white, good and bad, or right and wrong. And in this game of black and white, the only rule is that white must always win. Unfortunately, the world is not that simple. Most things exist on a frustrating spectrum of grey. Fortunately, we can learn to re-train these repressed qualities and turn them into qualities that benefit ourselves and others. Listen to Episode 42 and make the first move to get out of your head and get where your heart has always hoped to be.