Jealousy - In the Grip of the Green Eyed Monster

Send us a text

In today's episode we talk about feeling jealous and being in a relationship with a partner who is excessively jealous. Jealousy to some extent is quite normal, however, if it becomes excessive it can seriously undermine your relationship.

Jealousy is driven be a perceived or real threat to the relationship. The jealous partner resents a third person for taking away their partner from the relationship. The ensuing feelings are often anger, resentment, mistrust,  hostility, restlessness or bitterness.  If it becomes excessive jealousy can lead to controlling and coercive behaviour in a relationship.

Jealousy can be a sign that there is an underlying problem with differentiation. A jealous partner often desires an emotionally fused relationship and struggles to maintain a strong sense of self.

Jealousy is often driven by low self esteem. Your partner can't really love you because you yourself believe that you are not lovable.

Jealousy can of course also be driven by previous, negative experiences.

The starting point to manage jealousy, is to notice your feelings first and to understand where they are coming from.  You can then assess whether there really is a threat to the relationship or not.

The Relationship Maze courses:
What is your argument style? Find out in our short quiz.

Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining  loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship. 

Related podcasts:
How differentiated are you? The key signs that indicate your level of success in a relationship
Expectations - how you create your own relationship disappointment

Contact us for information about individual counselling/psychotherapy, couples therapy, clinical supervision or CPD training.
Tom's website
Angela's website

Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively and addressing common relationship problems in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship. We look at common causes of relationship problems and offer solutions. Learn how to address relationship problems and questions without breaking up.