It's Got to Be Perfect - Dealing With the Fallout of Perfectionism

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Do you always try get everything right and strive to meet very high standards? Perfectionists tend to judge their self worth in relation to achieving these standards. They always worry that they are good enough. Perfectionists struggle with the impact of trying to meet unrelentingly high standards but they can't stop pursuing them anyway. Because there is always the fear or getting it wrong, perfectionists frequently struggle with procrastination: rather than starting somewhere to get a task going, they worry that they won't be doing it well enough and therefore stall.

In a dating scenario perfectionists might look for a partner who meets a checklist of criteria to find an ideal partner.

Perfectionists have an internalised driver somewhere along the lines that they need to try harder. They needed to prove that  they are lovable or deserving of positive attention by the parents through always getting it right, being the 'good girl' or 'good boy'.  Usually perfectionist struggle with low self esteem; there is an underlying belief that achievement equals love.

Perfectionists are very outcome driven and they want to meet the outcome as soon as possible. A more helpful approach might be to follow the principles of the Japanese concept of 'Kaizen', a focus on continuous improvement and on the process of doing a task rather than a focus on outcome only.

Perfectionists tend to be quite risk averse; they usually try to minimise any factors that might impair the outcome and therefore may miss out on opportunities.

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Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

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Related podcasts:
How not to take your partner for granted - gratitude and appreciation
Increase your self-esteem
I'm ok, You're o

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Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively and addressing common relationship problems in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship. We look at common causes of relationship problems and offer solutions. Learn how to address relationship problems and questions without breaking up.