Keeping Secrets

Send us a text

In today's episode we discuss the underlying reasons for and challenges with keeping secrets. You may keep a secret for a number reasons: you feel that it's not the right time to talk about something, you want to surprise someone, you don't want to burden someone, you feel ashamed about an action or event in the past or you want to protect yourself from the potential responses of others.

Your secret may be a 'delicious' one, e.g. you are pregnant and delighted but want to wait three months with your announcement until you know the pregnancy is viable. Or your secret may be a shameful one, e.g. one of your earlier sexual experiences left you feel bad about yourself, a part of you may feel disgusting, unworthy or reprehensible.

'Shame is a soul eating emotion' (Carl Gustav Jung).  Keeping a secret means hiding away information. Often secrets are kept because a person is carrying a sense of shame about something that they (or a family member) has done in the past. They worry that this action reflects badly on them and that they won't be liked if the secret is revealed. Frequently, the very shameful thing that needs to be hidden away or concealed is significant, momentous and meaningful to the person who keeps the secret. When revealed it may not seem so momentous to another person.

When there is shame involved, secrets have to be treated with care.

Have any suggestion for podcast topics? Get in touch with us at info@therelationshipmaze.com.

The Relationship Maze courses:
What is your argument style? Find out in our short quiz. You can find a link on our website: https://therelationshipmaze.com.

Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively and addressing common relationship problems in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course:  https://therelationshipmaze.com/relationshipconflictvsl2.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining  loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship.

We look at common causes of relationship problems and offer solutions. Learn how to address relationship problems and questions without breaking up.

Related podcasts:
Unfinished business - w

Contact us for information about individual counselling/psychotherapy, couples therapy, clinical supervision or CPD training.
Tom's website
Angela's website

Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively and addressing common relationship problems in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship. We look at common causes of relationship problems and offer solutions. Learn how to address relationship problems and questions without breaking up.