13 | Deep Processing In a Shallow World

Deep processing is a core aspect of high sensitivity. But processing is an important thing for all of us to do. And it's not easy to find the time and space for it in a fast-changing world that never takes a breath. This is what we're exploring in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast. How can we create better conditions for deep processing in everyday life? Table of contentsResponding to a Fast-Changing World | 2:23Shallow Rivers and Deep Lakes | 8:29Cold Bucket Experiences | 14:03When You Feel Unseen and Unknown | 18:14Over-Empathy and Deep Patterns | 21:25Deep Processing and Loss | 25:20Levels of Processing | 35:33Deep Overground Processing and Response Flexibility | 37:14Deep Underground Processing | 42:23Depth of Processing and Downtime | 44:30What Happens Without Deep Processing? | 49:23Slow Coaching and The Deep Processing Approach | 52:51Conclusion - Prepare to Be Unprepared | 57:04The Haven | 59:30 Responding to a Fast-Changing World | 2:23 Everything moves so rapidly in our modern world. There is pressure to process and adapt to changes much faster than we have had to in the past. We are exposed to huge amounts of information and expected to somehow make sense of it and apply it to our own lives. So how do we process and respond to such a fast-paced world? Shallow Rivers and Deep Lakes | 8:29 There is an old proverb that says “shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.” What does this mean for our sense of self-belonging and our ability to absorb change? When things are thrown into our life from outside, like a big rock, a great splash and disturbance occur as it comes flying through the surface. But after a while, the rock is absorbed into the landscape in the depths of this body of water. There is an unshakeable power to the deep lake. That can be both safe and terrifying. In the story of the Steadfast Tin Soldier, we meet a character who appears to be a deep lake. But his silence, stillness, and stoicism speaks of unbelonging. He seems unable to express his true needs and feelings; hamstrung by the story he's been taught to believe about himself. Absorbing the blow is one part. But for true integration to happen we must also respond to it in some way. The change that happens around us fundamentally changes something in us too. Whereas the Tin Soldier appears unmoved and unchanged because he can't allow himself to feel his needs or need his feelings. Gentleness gives us the firm back and soft front to be flexible and adapt to the situation at hand. It is the openness, awareness, and intuition to choose based on what we see in front of us rather than what we think we ought to do. When we allow space for deep processing we nurture a deeper pool of options to draw from in different situations. Cold Bucket Experiences | 14:03 In her book, You Don't Owe Anyone, Caroline Garnet McGraw tells the story of what she describes as a "cold bucket experience". I share the story in the episode. You can also hear Caroline talk about it when we spoke. In childhood we might hear messages like: “Why are you doing it like that? That’s stupid!” Or “that’s just your imagination – grow up!” And “only an idiot would enjoy that kind of thing”. Or “why are you crying? You need thicker skin if you’re going to survive the real world”. These messages prompt us to filter ourselves as we make sense of what we need to do to avoid rejection. So we might recoil, hide, and replace those parts of ourselves that we feel ashamed of. And amplify behaviours that we believe will help us gain approval and acceptance, safety and belonging. Cold Bucket Experiences are similar to what might be described as "small-t" or "paper-cut" traumas. They feed the script that we write for our route into belonging and safety from a very young age. And without a bit of examination and space for processing, they become well-worn paths that we walk throughout our lives.