Is your child more challenging than most? Do typical parenting approaches not work? We talk about how to parent harder-to- parent kids with Dr. Ross Greene, the originator of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions parenting model, a non-punitive, non-adversarial, trauma-informed model of care. Dr. Greene is a clinical psychologist, former Harvard professor, and the author The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why are some kids “harder to parent”?
- How does trauma impact a child’s behavior?
- How does innate temperament or genetics impact behavior?
- What is the collaborative partnership approach?
- 3 Steps to the Collaborative & Proactive approach are:
- The Empathy step – involves gathering information so as to achieve the clearest understanding of the kid’s concern or perspective about a given unsolved problem.
- The Define Adult Concern step involves the adult sharing their perspective.
- The Invitation step involves having the adult and kid brainstorm solutions so as to arrive at a plan of action that is both realistic and mutually satisfactory…in other words, a solution that addresses both concerns and that both parties can actually do.
- “Kids do well if they can.” Kids are challenging because they’re lacking the skills not to be challenging. If they had the skills, they wouldn’t be challenging. That’s because – and here is perhaps the key theme of the model — Kids do well if they can. And because (here’s another key theme) Doing well is always preferable to not doing well (but only if a kid has the skills to do well in the first place).
- How would you apply this approach to work with kids who have experienced trauma?
- Is Collaborative partnership permissive parenting?
- Practical applications:
- A child who struggles with transitions.
- A child who won’t accept “no” and tantrums or argues.
- A child who doesn’t handle change and can’t be flexible.
- Tattling
- A teen who disregards curfew or other house rules.
- How to deal with aggressive behaviors towards pets, siblings, or parents?
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