EP 376: Their Story: Part 3 of a three-part Couples Coaching Series with Claire & Jimmy

This is the final episode of a three-part couples coaching series with Claire and Jimmy together. In today’s call, Christine asks both Claire and Jimmy how they can acknowledge and appreciate each other more while empowering them to take responsibility for their childhood wounds and how they are playing out in their relationship.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode376]

 

If you are in a relationship and you find yourself continuing to loop on the same argument over and over again, dig a little deeper to discover what is underneath it. Figure out where you may not be taking responsibility for your stuff and whether you are expecting your partner to heal it. Also, ask yourself where you may not be compassionate for their stuff and where you may be missing the ways they show up for you, and how you can appreciate it more.

 

It is not our job in a relationship to heal our partner’s wounds but it is our responsibility as a loving, conscious partner to understand and empathize with them. It’s not to tolerate toxic behavior but to adjust our behavior and our request to show we are empathetic and understanding of who our partner is.

 

The process of relationship is to continue to work on ourselves, work out our own triggers, and move toward our partner. Every relationship takes comprise. Love is a verb, not just the words.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship and you keep looping on the same argument over and over again?
• Do you have a sense that the argument, the disagreement, or the trigger you’re having could be linked to a deeper issue?
• Are you willing to compromise in your relationship or do you just want it your way?
• Are you ignoring the ways your partner does love you and does show up for you because it is not exactly the way you want it?

 

Claire & Jimmy’s Question:

Claire & Jimmy together.

 

Claire & Jimmy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Claire triggers Jimmy to put his walls up and he shuts down.
• Jimmy’s version of being committed doesn’t match up with Claire’s.
• Claire is yearning to have Jimmy all-in, in the relationship.
• Intimacy is scary for Jimmy.
• They are helping each other heal.
• Claire is scared she can’t get her needs met in their relationship.
• They both realize they need to make some changes.
• Jimmy is sensitive to disappointing people and timid about the level of commitment Claire wants.
• They have a coffee date, meditate together, and relax in the hot tub at night.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Claire can acknowledge all the things Jimmy is doing right.
• Every night, Jimmy can tell Claire why he loves her.
• Claire can give Jimmy time to feel safer in the relationship.
• Show a greater level of empathy and understanding to each other.
• Jimmy can talk to Claire with the kindness and compassion he shows his daughters.
• Claire can have compassion for Jimmy as he is trying to figure things out.

 

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

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