How Assumptions Can Harm Your Relationships

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Do you always know what your partner is thinking? Well, you may find that you are completely wrong with your underlying assumptions. Mind reading mostly does not work very well.

Assumptions are generalisations, inferences and predictions about the world and about other people's intentions. They offer us a sense of predictability and safety. Mostly we are not aware of our assumptions, they run on auto pilot in the background without us putting them to the test and questioning them.

For example, in dating you may automatically assume that another person is not interested in you, if they have not responded to a text message within a certain time frame. In your relationship you may come to the conclusion that your partner does not care about you because they didn't like the meal you cooked for them.

The problem with assumptions is that they often entail jumping to a conclusion about our partner's intention. We may be right, sometimes, but not always. Assumptions make us less open to possibilities. Particularly when we are getting into regular arguments with repetitive themes, it can help to closely examine your underlying assumptions. They may connect to some core fears that you have about your partner and the relationship.

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Struggling with a lot of conflict and arguments in your relationship? Learn about communicating effectively and addressing common relationship problems in our Stop Arguing, Start Loving mini course.

Learn everything you always wanted to know about building and maintaining loving relationships in our comprehensive course The Relationship Maze, starting with understanding yourself in relationships to understanding your partner and understanding what makes for a successful relationship. We look at common causes of relationship problems and offer solutions. Learn how to address relationship problems and questions without breaking up.