Addiction and Relationships with Heidi Rain
Education:Self-Improvement
The PRETENDER Attachment personality Pattern: Overcoming Codependency
Even though I used to pride myself on having a built-in bullSh*% detector the size of Texas, being able to spot a phony a mile away, I was regretfully unaware of all the ways I was bullshi*&ing myself. I had suppressed my truth for so long that I forgot what it was. When you grow up in an alcoholic home (or any dysfunctional home), you follow a set of imaginary rules that help the family keep secrets. One of those rules is “Don’t talk about problems. Don’t have any problems. We’re fine. You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong.” If you happen to suffer abuse in that home (either physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual) the gaslighting that ensues can be so intense and successful that you start to believe the lies and internalize them as your new truth. I remember being beaten or berated and simultaneously hearing, “I’m not hurting you.”, “You’re not hurt.” “It wasn’t that bad.” or any other version of “That didn’t happen.” You start to wonder if you’re really just fine. You’re clearly NOT fine. But you start to dilute yourself that you are. You know deep down things are not as they appear. But you do anything to avoid being “found out”. Naturally, you start to work even harder to seem as though you’re better than fine. You lock yourself into a pattern of overcompensating to hide your feelings of defectiveness. You become a Pretender. If all the world is a stage, a Pretender wants the starring role. Watch the video to learn the five core traits of the pretender. And reach out for help at www.LoveCoachHeidi.Com We offer codependency coaching and have many programs to help you n your healing journey.
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