#195 - Cornhole is Stupid

I’ve got a beef. Whoever invented this mindless game blatantly stole the name from Beavis’s alter ego. I mean, nothing embodies bottled up teen angst more than the Great Cornholio teeth-chattering out stream of consciousness anxiety like a vibrating dildo with a broken off-switch. And how the hell that translated into a lazy pastime of lobbing beanbags into a wood hole is a mystery to me.

It’s like shuffleboard for people under the age of eighty. 

And while we’re on the idea of utter copyright infringement, last time I checked, when you throw something behind the house it’s either your annoying nephew into the pool or horseshoes. Now, I realize Cornhole is far less dangerous than a U-shaped shotput flinging across the backyard, or rag-dolling a child over a concrete edge to the deep end, but you toss in a half rack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and suddenly anything leaving your hand becomes a liability. 

Here's the thing. After decades of tailgate buzzes and backyard BBQs, haven’t brilliant minds evolved past elementary recess games to something more imaginative? Like, whoever conceived the idea for Twister deserves an award. And the people behind that ridiculous game show Wipeout got pretty damn creative. But Cornhole lives entirely up to its name. And in case you didn’t know the original meaning, it’s a slang term for getting space-invaded in the backside. 

And by the way, what the fuck is that game with the plastic ball you bounce off a miniature trampoline? My guess it’s the same dipshits who invented Cornhole. 

I don’t know. I suppose it’s better than being glued to the couch playing video games. 

Unless there was a video game called Find the Stash.