The ONE thing I want you to focus on in 2023| Ep. 318

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 318, and welcome 2023. 

Welcome back, guys. Happy 2023. Happy New Year. I want you to imagine you and I are sitting down at a table and we both have the most wonderful, warm tea or coffee or water or whatever it is that you enjoy, and we are going to have a talk. You’re not getting a talking too, I’m not saying that. But I want you to imagine that I’m standing in front of you or sitting in front of you and we’ve got eyes locked, and I am dead serious in what I’m talking to you about because I believe it to be the most important thing you need for 2023. I really, really do. 

So, let’s talk. Okay, you’ve got your tea. I’ve got my tea. Let’s do this. Okay.

So, I want you to imagine that you have a suffering in your life. We all have suffering. It’s a part of being a human. Life is 50/50. It’s 50% easy and 50% hard. We all are going to have suffering this year. But I want you to imagine this scenario. It could be something that’s hard for you that you’re already going through or could be imagined. And I want you to think about that there’s a circumstance or a situation that happened that is out of your control and it’s causing you suffering. Maybe it’s a thought that’s intrusive, maybe it’s anxiety, maybe it’s depression. Maybe you have a hole in your tire, maybe you-- if you hear some people walking, it’s because my whole family are upstairs playing. But maybe you have some financial stresses, relationship stresses. Maybe you feel very alone. Whatever you’re suffering is, I want you to acknowledge that you’re having this suffering. And then I want you to think about, who could I call to help me manage this pain in my life? Is it someone who could support me and nurture me during that suffering? Is it someone who has the solution to that problem? Is it somebody who’s been through it before and they can guide you on what to do? 

So what we do when we have suffering is we gather hopefully a list of people who we can help and we reach out to them. That’s good coping, right? But what I want you to do differently, or maybe you’re already doing this and I want you to do more of in 2023, is I want you to move you to the top of that list. I want you to be the first person you call to offer yourself the support and wisdom and guidance, right? 

I’m not here to say there’s anything wrong with calling the other people. In fact, I am a huge believer in gathering your peeps when things are hard, calling your speed-dial people, right? That’s cool. I want you to be doing that. But I want for this year for you to move yourself to the top of the list and ask yourself, what is it that you need while you suffer? How can I support you while you suffer? What do you need to hear as you suffer? How can I tend to this suffering in a kind, compassionate, non-abandoning way? How can we be that for ourselves? We have to be at the top of the list. And I don’t mean that in any preachy way. I mean it because let’s look at the problems when we’re not, when we don’t show up at the top of the list.

We build this belief that we need other people and we don’t have what it takes to get through it, right? When we put ourselves at the top of the list, we develop and grow muscles in our brain that have us start to see that we can cope really well by ourselves. That we have everything that we need, right? That is so, so beautiful. 

And the reason I’m sharing this with you in this hopefully not preachy way is I was journaling the other day and I was really asking myself like, what is it that I want to talk about? What is it that I’m so passionate about? What is it that lights a fire inside me? And while, yes, I love talking about anxiety and yes, I love talking about OCD and I love talking about mental health and all the things, this one thing I believe is the biggest game changer above and beyond all the tools that I give you in my toolkit. 

Oh, PS, I have to tell you, I was looking for-- I was doing a Google search on Your Anxiety Toolkit because I just had to pull up something and it’s easier for me just to Google it. And when I wrote it in, this teeny tiny wooden kids toolkit showed up, like this little toolbox. And I couldn’t help myself, but I had to buy it because I was like, that’s exactly it, right? This is all about me giving you an array of tools and tools that are super effective and tools that you know when to use them. Because imagine if you had a saw but you were using it for the wrong thing, that would be very ineffective. So, that’s the whole premise of this podcast. But I was thinking about, of all the tools in the toolkit, this might be the most important one, which is the one that teaches you how strong you are. That you are the most unconditional friend for yourself, the most unconditional friend. You are there non-stop, no matter what. No matter what happens, you have the capacity to sit with yourself in compassion while you suffer. 

So, that’s it, you guys. That’s all I have to say. That’s the goal I have for you this year. And I would love to hear and to know what outcomes you get from that. So, as you practice it, don’t be afraid to, if you signed up for our newsletter, reply and let me know. How’s that going for you? How’s that helping? 

Again, I want to really be clear here. We are not showing up for ourselves first because we don’t deserve other people’s help. We’re still going to ask for their help, but we are moving ourselves to the front of the line. We’re moving ourselves to the first person we speed dial, right? And we’re showing up for ourselves as much as possible so that if the person that’s second in line doesn’t have the capacity for us today, that’s all right because we already know that the first-speed dial person, which is us, is there ready to pick up whatever is left over. Okay? 

So that is my hope for 2023. That is my hope for you for the rest of the decade as well. And this is something I feel again so incredibly strong about. Sorry, that didn’t make sense. It’s something I feel so deeply about. Okay? 

All right. I am sending you the biggest love. I have got some super exciting, big things happening in the new year. Big for me, hopefully, helpful for you. Hopefully, that will, again, give you more tools, more effective tools, make you more clear on which ones to use and when. It will mean that the structure of the podcast will change just a little but hopefully for the better. Okay? 

All right. I’ll see you guys next week and we will go from there. 

Have a wonderful day and it is a beautiful day to move yourself to the top of the list. Have a good one, everyone.