351: Perfectionism and People Pleasing Broken Down with Amy Green Smith

Do you envy people who can speak up for themselves easily – without stress or guilt? Or do you wish you could go through life with more freedom – not always worried about what others think or if you’re getting it right, being able to make mistakes and move on?

If you struggle with perfectionism and people pleasing, this type of life might feel like just a dream.

But the truth is that perfectionism and people pleasing are just parts of you – parts that have a good reason for being there. And when you understand how they got there, the role they serve and the attention they need, you can transform them…and live that free, bold, courageous life you long for!

In this episode, I’m chatting with life coach Amy Green Smith about her journey of overcoming people pleasing and perfectionism, building self-confidence, learning to speak up for herself and creating a life filled with joy!

Amy breaks down why perfectionism and people pleasing are both survival strategies that we learned to keep us safe and how they are connected to beliefs about ourselves. We talked about practical ways to start shifting these beliefs, set boundaries, cultivate more authenticity and boldly stand up for ourselves with kindness!

Listen to discover:

• The root of perfectionism and people pleasing
• The connection between codependency and people pleasing
• The situations that can lead to perfectionism
• The different ways we can experience our inner critic based on sensory processing
• Practical steps to transform perfectionism and people pleasing
• Why boundaries matter so much – because our self-worth depends on them!
• Steps to setting healthy boundaries, with beautiful conversational examples
• How to cultivate deep, authentic friendships

I love the way that Amy connects all of the topics in this episode back to self-worth. Boundaries, accepting compliments and true connection with others are all important because they are part of our self-worth.

She also models how standing up for ourselves isn’t confrontational and can be done with radical acceptance…even with people we strongly disagree with.

If you’re ready to understand why you people please or why you feel like you have to be perfect – and what you can do to begin to shift these patterns in your life – press “play” now for a fun, insightful show! 

"Both perfectionism and people pleasing are symptoms. They're manifestations of a deeper-seated belief about self." - Amy Green Smith

"People pleasing is genuinely anytime we are so highly invested in the opinions of other people that we actually shapeshift, twist and contort at a cost to self." - Amy Green Smith

"It's rooted a lot in us just genuinely wanting to take care of ourselves." - Amy Green Smith

"One of our primary human needs is for one of belonging." - Amy Green Smith

"We have emotional feelings that don't feel great, we try to rectify them with physical feelings." - Amy Green Smith

"People pleasing is actually a defense mechanism. It's an iteration of our fawn response." - Amy Green Smith

"Do not let your silence make you a liar." - Amy Green Smith

"Is there anyone that I'm always frustrated with, that I'm always upset about, that I'm building a story about, but have refused to talk to them about it? That is usually a people pleasing dynamic that's happening." - Amy Green Smith

"Boundaries can be set with anger and rage...[but] they're not healthy boundaries." - Michelle Chalfant

"If it's worth complaining about, then it's probably worth taking action on." - Amy Green Smith

"Every time you choose to silence yourself...you send a subconscious message to your mind that your wants, opinions and needs just don't matter as much as someone else's." - Amy Green Smith

"You can respect one another without agreeing." - Amy Green Smith

"You don't have to agree. Just respect me." - Michelle Chalfant

"You can have two completely different opinions about something and still be in relationship with that person." - Michelle Chalfant

"It's hard for us to actually be with the goodness in our life." -  Amy Green Smith

"The receiving piece is huge." - Michelle Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

Amy Green Smith Website

https://amygreensmith.com/

Amy Green Smith Instagram

https://instagram.com/heyamygreensmith

The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

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https://theadultchair.com/certification

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