9: Why I Became Addicted to Porn & How I Quit

I’m going to tell you why I became addicted to porn, and what kept me addicted for 10 years. It had nothing to do with craving sex, or “manly urges.” 

Porn addiction has to do with your state of mind. Porn addiction recovery is about transforming that state of mind from one that is susceptible to addiction to one that isn’t. 

The answers may not be easy, but some of them are simple. And while I can’t wave my magic wand or tell you “3 secrets that get you sober permanently”, I do have some advice and information I hope will help you in your journey. 

If we are trying to stop watching porn, or seeking to understand a loved one who is addicted, we need to know that porn addiction has very little to do with the sexual act itself, and far more to do with getting a “fix”. 

Research shows that pornography physically changes the brain. We can’t get the same “dopamine hit” during normal sex that we can during a session with porn. 

Why? Think about the novelty that porn offers; the number of different partners and new experiences available at the click of the button. Think about how quickly someone can go from 0 to 100 with one of those “partners” in an instant… Is any of that like having sex in a real relationship? How can sex in real life possibly compete?

As a kid, I was high-strung, perfectionistic, and somewhat impulsive. I felt stressed out much of the time and had so much inner intensity that I simply didn’t have the skills or understanding to deal with. I also had low self-esteem, and, more importantly, a low sense of self-worth. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things. I had negative self-talk and was worried others didn’t accept me. 

I didn’t know that I was high-strung or stressed out. To me, it was just normal life. In today's episode, you'll learn how these negative feelings fueled my need for a “fix”, just as they do for others I have worked with and observed.

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