EP 387: How to Stop Attacking or Retreating During Times of Conflict with Mica

This episode is about how to respond with curiosity to people who are not respecting you. Today’s caller, Mica, is looking for guidance on how she can change her response to become more empowered when it comes to people not using the preferred pronouns she has asked them to use. This call opens our awareness to non-binary individuals who like to be called they and them and not the traditional pronouns we may be used to and about how growing up in a restrictive environment impacts us as adults.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode387]

 

Identity, be it race, gender, or age, when we take it all out of the equation, all we are is love. Every single one of us is love. Often, it takes people who don’t fit into a mold to teach those who do fit in more of a mold that nothing matters but who someone’s essence is. Who we are as humans on this planet is just love and that’s it. That is what we all are here to learn.

 

What scares most of us about conflict is that we think we have to be confrontational. If we don’t attack we think our only other option is to retreat or we feel we either have to charge ahead or collapse. That is a very common dynamic. The goal is to respond to people that aren’t respecting you with curiosity versus confrontation.

 

Curiosity is powerful. It is one of the most underused responses and ways to be. When we approach people with curiosity, they are able to hear. It allows us to make direct requests of them from a place of vulnerability and authenticity.

 

The more we accept ourselves for who we are, the less oppression we face. It’s not that there isn’t oppression or people who don’t respect who we are. But, when we can really come into full self-acceptance, we can teach people how to treat us and respect us. We also aren’t letting our own nervous system get dysregulated due to someone else’s ignorance or stubbornness.

 

Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? If so, join Christine and Stefanos for a free masterclass on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14th, 2023 at 7:30 CST. Join live or get the recording at christinehassler.com/lovemasterclass.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you made requests of other individuals and they’re just not listening or they are not honoring your requests?

• When you are in times of conflict, do you have the tendency to either attack or retreat? Do you want to find a more empowered way to respond?

• Did you grow up in an oppressive household and you did anything you could to try to fit in?

• Do you want to feel a sense of freedom to be yourself and not care what anybody else thinks and move into a place of radical self-acceptance and be free?

 

Mica’s Question:

Mica has felt friction when establishing the pronouns they prefer and would like guidance on how to deal with conflict.

 

Mica’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She came out as non-binary.

• She finds it stressful when people push back on her.

• She reads tarot cards.

• She is an aspiring life coach.

• Her biological father was a tyrant in her life.

• She had to have a defensive posture.

• She feels unseen and unheard.

• She has been non-binary since childhood but tried to identify as female.

• She has had to prove who she is throughout her life.

• She knows she is here to teach people how to love.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Approach conflicts with curiosity.

• Allow her nervous system to feel that people are safe.

• Know that she is allowed to ask for what she wants and needs.

• Feel confident in who she is, no matter what pronouns others use.

• Recognize when she is triggered and navigate her way through it differently.

• Radically accept herself as love.

• Apologize to her younger self and free the part of her that felt stifled.

 

Takeaways:

• Move into self-acceptance and work with your rebel part and tell it that it is free. Tell it there is nothing to prove and it doesn’t have to fight.

 

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and to improve well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions. It tones the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.