Are you selfish or did you just not get your needs met?!

Check out all my current offers: https://linktr.ee/sensualpower. Raise your hand if you're a woman or AFAB person and you were told you were selfish growing up🙋‍♀️ Anytime you wanted attention, comfort, toys, clothes, food, activities, to take sports or dance lessons, etc. You got told you were selfish! Maybe the word selfish wasn't used but the implication was there when they came back with things like: "quit asking for that, we don't have the money!" or "be happy with what you have" or "why are you always asking for things" There're a million other variations but you get the idea, you were selfish! Now as an adult you probably struggle with making any requests of people or doing things for yourself. I know women who will wait until they're in unbearable pain to get a massage. Then brag about finding a really cheap one because it makes it seems less indulgent aka selfish for getting one. Yes, sometimes we are on a budget so funds dictate getting a cheaper massage but that's not why we mention the cost. We do it to avoid seeming selfish and that's true whether or not we have kids. The truth is you aren't selfish, you just had parents who didn't have the emotional capacity to handle their triggers and trauma when you needed anything. They shamed you for having needs and wants and yes, wanting the "in clothes" to fit in is a need as a kid, unfortunately. We know how easy it is to get bullied when you don't have the right...whatever. What your parent(s) should've said in those moments is: "I'm sorry you've been made fun of or outcast for not having the right shoes. You don't deserve that. Right now I don't have the funds to buy new ones but let's come up with another solution". it may not have been the same but you wouldn't have felt selfish. It goes beyond material things too because we were told we were selfish for our ambition, needs for emotional support, attention, and other things. The bottom line is you aren't and weren't selfish and it's time to break free of that story! What ways were you told you were selfish that you want to break free from?