Helping Our Kids Regulate Big Emotions

Does your child struggle with controlling their big emotions? Do they seem angry or frustrated most of the time? We've got some answers! Join us to listen to this interview with Dr. Stuart Shanker, a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology at York University and author of several books, including Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society. He is also an adoptive dad.

In this episode, we cover:

• 3 basic principles of self-regulation:
  • There is no such thing as a bad or lazy kid. 
    • No matter how difficult, out of control, distracted, or exhausted a child might seem, there’s a way forward: self-regulation.
  • All people can learn to self-regulate in ways that promote rather than constrict growth.
  • There is no such thing as a "fixed outcome": trajectories can always be changed, at any point in the lifespan, if only we have the right knowledge and tools.
• How can parents help their children become calmer when we live in a stressful, frantic, and over-stimulating world? 
• How can parents calm themselves down in the hectic world?
• Five-step method for managing stress
  • 1. Reframe behavior by learning the difference between misbehavior and stress behavior and the signs of each. (Why and why now?)
  • 2. Recognize stressors. 
    • Some typical stressors broken out by age.
    • Some “hidden stressors” that their children are struggling with - physiological as well as social and emotional. 
  • 3. Reduce stress (deep breathing (pizza breath), exercise, touch, music, pets)
  • 4. Reflect on what it feels like to be calm and what it feels like to be overstressed. 
  • 5. Restoration- energy, balance, and relationship. 
• These steps are not a program for managing a child’s behavior. Rather, these are five steps to promote understanding a child’s behavior.

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

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