EFR 708: Four Ways to Stop Breaking Promises to Yourself

“How do I keep promises I make to myself?” This is a question I get asked a lot, and it’s one that all of us can benefit from knowing the answer to.

The ability to make and keep promises directly impacts our level of success in everything we do—whether it’s a promise to go to the gym regularly or stick to a diet, to double down on a side hustle or a relationship, or to follow through on writing a book or starting a podcast.

Listen in as I talk about the common reasons we don’t stick to our own promises, and why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up when we fail to meet our own standards. I also share four powerful tips for making better promises and seeing them through to fruition!

 

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Key Highlights

• The word “promise” can be used as either a noun or a verb. As a noun, a promise is “a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing, or that a particular thing will happen.” As a verb, when you promise something, you “undertake or declare that something will happen,” or “give good grounds for expecting a particular occurrence or situation.”
• Promises can quickly become too strict a commitment that holds too much emotionally-negative weight when not kept. If you’re constantly beating yourself up over broken promises, try changing your definition of “promise” from that of a noun to a verb. That means committing to the path rather than the destination. It means committing to the pursuit of the goal: the process, baby steps, and small wins required to accomplish what you set out to do.
• We know that we can keep getting away with broken promises when the only person we’re accountable to is ourselves. Take the pressure off of yourself by sharing your commitments with people you’re comfortable confiding in. This not only helps you grow your sphere of accountability beyond yourself, but it also allows you to gain precious feedback from those you trust.
• Lean into positive reinforcement. Reward yourself only for promises you actually keep, and dismiss the promises you fail to keep. When you assign feelings of happiness, contentment, and fulfillment to small kept promises, you’re more likely to follow through with larger promises.
• If there’s a particular promise that you’re continually breaking not long after making it, consider that you don’t really want it. For the sake of your mental health and the likelihood of fulfilling all other future promises you make to yourself, you might want to walk away from that one promise you keep failing to commit to.

Episode resources

• Save 20% on any men's skincare item with code CHASE at https://www.CalderaLab.com/chase
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