True and False Friendship with Seneca

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In a letter titled, On True and False Friendship, Seneca wrote,

“You have sent a letter to me through the hand of a “friend” of yours, as you call him. And in your very next sentence, you warn me not to discuss with him all the matters that concern you, saying that even you yourself are not accustomed to doing this; in other words, you have in the same letter affirmed and denied that he is your friend.

If you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken, and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means. Indeed, I would have you discuss everything with a friend; but first of all, discuss the man himself. When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.

Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship, but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself. [...]

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