"As he snore lightly next to me in the bed I ran through a list of events that had caused me alarm over the past few days the emotional and physical stress was starting to wear me out I was more nervous and anxious than I'd ever been it was difficult to think rationally the drinking the jet lag in the confusion I felt had messed with my mind I kept wondering if I was overreacting or being overly sensitive all the kind and loving things that he said to me swirled around in my head and I was searching for a glimmers of hope that my fears could be wrong and that maybe he was a great man after all maybe he was still someone I wanted to build a future with he was keeping me hopeful yet confused and I was drowning in uncertainty I got up the courage to confront trim and calmly about his rude and volatile Behavior the previous night to both me and the taxi driver straightaway he accused me of being abusive and manipulative I was taken aback and caught off guard I was manipulative I could only manage to keep gently suggesting that his tone was too aggressive and that he should treat people with more respect the discussion heated up and I suspect that he sensed I was on the verge of leaving and he changed tactics he sat down in a non-threatening posed and apologized he made excuses for his behavior and assured me that things would be different once he could sort out his stress from his illness and his new business he made promises about our future together saying he would come to Hong Kong as soon as he possibly could and he felt that it would only be a few months until we'd been together once again he was Charming funny and seemed to hear what I was saying and to acknowledge my feelings you're all that looking for in a woman he said I wanted so badly to believe him perhaps I've misjudged him maybe he was being an ass because he'd been drinking could I have exaggerated everything in my mind which started when was the real person could I be to blame for upsetting him I'm not perfect got you make me want to be a better person you said without you I'm nothing it's pretty normal for me to put others before me but in this instance not only did I consider his feelings before my own but I could feel myself trying to please trim and win him over his tactics worked and he had me right back where he wanted me in a matter of hours Instinct confusion second-guessing and desire it was all becoming too much my mother could no longer extract truth from fiction Truman had yet and managed to spin his version of events in a way that put him back in my mother's good books we packed up to leave the hotel and move to a cheaper one it's too expensive on New Year's Eve we picked up his friend Trevon and we drove around looking for a hotel to stay in I mentioned that I was hungry and they also said that they could eat we arrived at a little hotel outside the city centre and Truman suggested I go in and book a room and get some food and he'd see me shortly as he had to drop Trevon off and come back when Ian and I booked a cheap room and dropped off her bags I went to the restaurant across the road and I ate alone the feeling of loneliness and being far away from home was almost too much I felt like I wanted to cry but I pushed the feelings aside and I ate my lunch..."
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