167. Am I Married to a Narcissist? With Dr. Kim Kimberling

Welcome to episode #167! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Dr. Kim Kimberling about narcissism. Are you married to a narcissist?

What is narcissism?

We can all be a little narcissistic in our behavior: being selfish and wanting our own way. But a narcissist takes it to the extreme: excessive interest and admiration of themselves, very selfish, physical appearance is important, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, a strong need for affirmation and to be admired by people. It becomes a lifestyle. It’s damaging because it's all about them and no one else. 

What is the tie between addiction and narcissism?

Narcissists are focused on their own satisfaction. Their sexual desire is a “personal right”. They’ll use manipulation and can exploit their spouse. There's a study that came out that said that people who use pornography have a higher level of narcissism than those who never used it because it is very selfish - it's all about the person and them getting their own satisfaction. It feeds the narcissist. Pornography is a very selfish view of sex and a narcissist has more potential to become deeply entrenched in their belief system as their needs are being met in this unhealthy way. 

How do we know if we are married to a narcissist?

Marriage is about teamwork and a narcissist will focus on themselves and not care about their spouse. They will often put down or discredit their spouse and lead others to think that there is something wrong with them. They might use their spouse as a scapegoat. There’s no guilt or shame about what they are doing; there’s a lack of empathy. Any relationship you value needs to have empathy, you need to care about each other and be able to put yourself in their shoes. The struggle is that most narcissists think that there is nothing wrong, so why would they look to change? In order to overcome being a narcissist, you need to look inside. It's a heart issue. If you are married to someone like this, you need to make sure that you are surrounded by community who support you and will stand up for you. Remember: your worth and identity come from what God says about you, not your spouse. 

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Podcast Hosts

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.