POF10: When Is It Ok To Push Your Kids?

Did you know that allowing your kids to be dependent actually allows them to be Independent?  we get stressed and worried about where kids are, in terms of what they can and can't do, that we lose our objectivity.  This means we can't see that our kids need to take the time they need to learn developmental skills.  We are often impatient and get caught up in the busyness of life and trying to get them to do things, often too early, that we are actually getting in the way of letting natural development to unfold.

I’ll share with you when you should push your child and when you should provide a cushion for them. 

Learn about the most important three letter word to add to your kids’ vocabulary (and yours!).

You may feel totally justified in pushing your child do something, but they’re really resistant.  What do you do then?  I ask you to consider what you are demanding of your kids and why.  Could it be that what the issue isn’t that your child is resistant but rather, the problem is what you are demanding of them in the first place? 

Listen on to find out all these answers and more!

 

About Robbin McManne

Robbin is a Certified Parent Coach, author and speaker.  She works with parents from all over the world to help them build more connection and find more joy and cooperation to their parenting.

Robbin is a former ‘Angry Mom’ and for over 12 years, Robbin juggled a full-time corporate career while being a mom and wife, prior to becoming a Parenting Coach.  In her corporate career, Robbin has a background in marketing and public relations, training, and event planning. She understands firsthand how many moms struggle to balance work and family. 

It’s because of her struggles as a parent that she found the world of peaceful parenting and has dedicated her life to teaching parents how to build a strong family, so their kids thrive. 

Robbin’s work focuses on building and strengthening the parent child relationship so that children grow up with resilience, confidence and strong emotional intelligence.  She works with parents to help them understand their own emotions and frustrations in parenting, so they can help build their children’s sense of self without losing themselves in the process!

In October of 2018 Robbin released her first book, “The Yelling Cure – How stress less and get your kids to cooperate without threats & punishments.” Her book is being read by parents all over the world 1000,000 copies sold to date. www.yellingcurebook.com

Robbin divides her time working with her clients, speaking at events and spending time with her two boys and husband.  You can usually find her at a hockey rink or sports field cheering on her boys. Most importantly, Robbin has changed the way she parents and connects with her sons and is dedicated to helping parents find the same joy, connection and cooperation in their families.

www.yellingcurebook.com

Robbin@parentingforconnection.com

www.parentingforconnection.com

www.facebook.com/parenting4connection

www.instagram.com/robbinmcmanne_parentcoach

 

From the Podcast:

When should we push and when do we provide a cushion? Use these considerations.  Adapted from “The Yes Brain” by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

When should we push?

At times our kids need us to challenge them to go beyond themselves and remove their self-imposed bubble wrap and ask them to risk facing challenges they’re not used to.  You can challenge your kids and allow them to develop resilience and strength and toughness and grit. Here you are pushing the envelope…not physically pushing them into danger!

When we step in and rescue a child from a problem they can handle on their own, we short-circuit their opportunity to learn how to address a difficult issue or understand their capacity to handle hard stuff

When do we provide a cushion?

If you pushing your child causes stress which then floods their nervous systems into distress because they aren’t ready and it’s just too uncomfortable for them, it can backfire and make them more dependent, fearful and less willing to try new things.  You can also provide a cushion when they are facing an obstacle too big or a challenge they simply can’t address by themselves. Something they truly can’t handle themselves.  

Considerations for Pushin’ and Cushion

•   What is your child’s temperament and developmental stage? – what can seem like a baby step might feel like jumping off a cliff for your child so they might need to take baby steps and offer a bit more of a cushion.  Or maybe your child could withstand some discomfort and might need more pushing. 
•       What does your child need right now? Pay attention to how your child responds and what that exposes about their needs in this moment.  Attune to the actual internal experience and not what you think they should be feeling.
•       Are you clear on what the real issue is? Do you know why your child is resisting facing this obstacle or dealing with this particular challenge?  This requires you to talk to your child and understand what the real issue is. Then you can help them problem solve – make sure this isn’t about you and your own insecurities.
•       What messages do you send about risk-taking and failure?  What we want to be passing along here is a life lesson.  Sometimes you have to face your fears and be willing to try and fail.  Is failure ever acceptable to you? Do you send messages about doing everything just right or perfectly?  Is mistake ever embraced as a learning opportunity in your family? Mistakes are a part of life and a shared human experience so they should be as normal as successes.
•   Does your child need skills to handle potential (and inevitable) failure?  The goal isn’t to protect your child from failure but to build skills that lead to overcoming adversity.  Like something being difficult doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Introduce the concept of yet when you child says I can’t do it or I’m not ready.  Invite them to add the word yet. This promotes an attitude of possibility that offers tremendous power that plants the seed for your child that they will be able to succeed and achieve as long as they’re willing to prepare themselves to persist and to work toward that success

 

One of the most powerful words you can add to both your and your child’s vocabulary is the word YET. 

Check out Sesame Street’s video “The Power of Yet”  https://youtu.be/XLeUvZvuvAs

Here are some great examples of how to use it. 

I can’t do this …YET

This doesn’t work …YET

I don’t know …YET

It doesn’t make sense …YET

I don’t get it …YET

I’m not good at this …YET

 

There is a difference between not knowing and not knowing YET

Thanks for listening!

It means so much to me that you listened to my podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with me, head on over to

www.facebook.com/parenting4connection

 

With this podcast, my intention is to build a community of parents that can have open and honest conversations about parenting without judgement or criticism.  We have too much of that! I honor each parent and their path towards becoming the best parent they can be. My hope is to inspire more parents to consider the practice of Peaceful Parenting. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

 Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!

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