POF07: Parenting Right From The Start With Dr. Vanessa Lapointe

Dr. Vanessa and I discuss her newest book, “Parenting Right From the Start; Laying a Healthy Foundation in the Baby and Toddler years.”  In the podcast, we talk about what it means to grow yourself up before you can grow your kids up, what it means to have “swagger” and how being “large and in charge” helps your kids be more independent.  With the new school year upon us, Dr. Vanessa talks about how to orchestrate an “artful introduction” to your child’s new teacher or caregiver. Dr. Vanessa is fun, funny and full of meaningful, common sense knowledge and leaves you hanging on her every word!

About Dr. Vanessa Lapointe

Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is an author, parenting expert, and registered psychologist (British Columbia #1856) who has been supporting families and children for more than fifteen years. Author of Discipline without Damage: How to get your kids to behave without messing them up and Parenting Right From The Start: Laying a Healthy Foundation in the Baby and Toddler years, regularly invited media guest and contributor, educator and speaker, a Huffington Post Parent blogger, and a consultant to research projects and various organizations promoting emotional health and development,

Dr. Vanessa is known for bringing a sense of nurturing understanding and humanity to all of her work. She presently works in private practice and has previous experience in a variety of settings, including the British Columbia Ministry of Children and Family Development and the school system.

Dr. Vanessa’s passion is in walking alongside parents, teachers, care providers, and other big people to really see the world through the child’s eyes. She believes that if we can do this, we are beautifully positioned to grow up our children in the best possible way. As a mother to 2 growing children, Dr. Vanessa strives not only professionally, but also personally, to view the world through the child’s eyes.

If you are interested in pre-ordering Dr. Vanessa’s book, Parenting Right From The Start: Laying a Healthy Foundation in the Baby and Toddler years, you can order HERE

Web: www.drvanessalapointe.com

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Email: team@drvanessalapointe.com

Six Parenting Principles from Dr Vanessa Lapointe

1.   No challenge, no growth. Embrace the mess.

Nobody ever said that growing up was meant to be an easy peasy walk in the park with no difficulty. In fact, it is in the mess of it that growth blossoms. It has to be difficult; it has to erupt; it has to feel immovable … and then, magic happens. The human mind and heart come alive in the face of challenge. It is here that adaptation is fostered and resilience is championed. Furthermore, you cannot truly know the up of it if you have not fully lived the down of it. Celebrate the peaks and the valleys. Take heart in the perceived struggle for that is where the path to greatness begins. No challenge, no growth.

1.     Grow you, grow them.

There is nothing quite like loving and growing a child to absolutely bring you to your knees as a parent. Often it is in the act of raising our young that a light is definitively shone on the ungrown parts of ourselves. It seems that nobody can set us off or trigger us like our own children can. And yet, when the origins of these triggers are honestly explored, it becomes quickly apparent that it isn’t actually our children that are the cause of our upset. It is the ungrown parts of ourselves that we have brought forward with us from our own pasts, our own childhoods. In becoming a parent perhaps the greatest gift you will receive is the invitation of growing yourself. Grow you so that you can grow them.

1.   Find your village.

For as long as we have existed, humans have been tribal in nature. We are meant to live and grow and thrive in villages. Within community, there exists structures and relationships to support all of the members in their continued growth and development. Compared to the rich communal existence of our ancestors, parents today raise their children in relative isolation. And this makes things so much more challenging. With the erosion of our naturally existing villages, it is upon us to back-door the creation of a community within which to raise our young. You were never meant to go this alone. Find your village.

4. Know where to set the bar.

To really be full of compassionate guidance for your child, it is essential that you know where to set the bar. The goal always is to set the bar where the child can jump. Too high and the child is constantly faced with failure, conflict, and shame. Too low and the child never gets to experience their own capacity for conquering life. They are disabled by being enabled. In both cases, the child has to reject your guidance as a big person who doesn’t really get him. And because you don’t get him, you are no longer trusted to be decisively in the lead. Rather than just let himself blow about in the wind, your child will be forced to be in the lead of himself. And that is a devastating place from which a child will never be able to fully emerge into his true potential. So know where to set the bar. Educate yourself about development, temperament, and attachment. Advocate for your unique, individual child at home and in community from this knowing place.

1.   Slow down.

Growth is a spectacular thing. It is ordained by the natural order of things to occur provided the appropriate conditions are created to foster it. One of those conditions is time. Development occurs on its own timeline and it cannot be rushed. Often times parents are misled into believing that rushing development leads to earlier and thus better outcomes and opportunities. But that is simply not the case. Rushed development can occasionally take on the early façade of a desired outcome. But it will be realized over time that this façade had no depth or staying power because it did not honor the inherent trajectory of growth set forth for your unique little child. So pave the way, remove impediments, and champion your child’s needs. But never rush childhood. Surrender to the natural power of growth.

1.     Know that you are enough.

Growing up a little human can feel utterly overwhelming at times. And the parenting industry hasn’t actually served us well in this respect. Perhaps never more than now have parents painstakingly questioned their own capacity for being exactly what their child needs. The incredible amount of highly accessible information available to modern parents seems to have thrust them into self-doubt rather than promoting empowerment. Too often I see parents who give their innate know-how and power to raise their children brilliantly away to so-called experts. It is my view that nobody is the expert on a child in the way that the parent is. Your gut, your intuition, your sense of your child’s being are unlike anything anybody else can lay claim to. Your child needs you to own this. You are enough. You were born for this. You have it in you to give.

Thanks for listening!

It means so much to me that you listened to my podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with me, head on over to www.facebook.com/parenting4connection  With this podcast, my intention is to build a community of parents that can have open and honest conversations about parenting without judgement or criticism. We have too much of that!  I honour each parent and their path towards becoming the best parent they can be. My hope is to inspire more parents to consider the practice of Peaceful Parenting. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

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