#85 - Ants In Your Pants

You can learn a lot from ants. In fact, we are not as unalike as you probably think. I know, you think they look like freaky little spindly aliens, but so do lobsters, and you don’t seem too disgusted when shoving one of those fucker’s butter drenched rudders into your mouth, do you?

Would ants be delicious if dipped in drawn butter?

The answer to that is yes.

Anyway, ants and people have been cohabitating since the beginning and the reason for the dual proliferation is because we kinda do shit the same way. We both live in large societies. Each has a designated job. We march in line like soldiers. We are territorial and engage in wars with other colonies.

We both eat Cannabis.

Well, that’s not exactly true, although ants have been known to use weed to fortify their underground burrows. Kind of like a house built with hempcrete.

And the answer to this question, the one that you are silently thinking, is no. You will not live perpetually stoned were you to inhabit your own. Hempcrete is made with the fibrous stalk of the hemp plant, which doesn’t hold enough THC to get you high, and it is not like living inside a marijuana treehouse.

Why are you silently asking so many damn questions?

So, ants are one of the most resourceful creatures on the planet. We can fuck with them all we want, but to eliminate them entirely, we would ultimately cause irreparable damage to our own landscape. So, get used to these miniature versions of alien humans with tiny brains and hairy legs, because like the cockroach, they are here to stay. Sorry if they creep you out, but last time I checked, so do most people.

And lobsters.