#54 - The Friendgirl

It’s a woman who is just a friend. Except a guy can’t call her a girlfriend like a girl can call another girl a girlfriend. You see, if a man publicly addresses his friendgirl as a girlfriend, the silence stews amongst those within earshot, the brows lift, and the inquiries eventually fly like hail in a tornado.

Be aware, gentlemen, that the examination will begin suggestively. First, you’ll pick up a subtle nudge that comes off as cautiously indirect. It’ll be something like, “So, how do you two know each other?” But don’t be fooled. There will be disguise in their intentions as they attempt to sound like they’re not prying. Your response will be a matter of fact, but if it does not quench their curiosity, the concern can escalate into a full-blown probe. They will tell you that they are worried about you and have your best interests in mind, however one must realize that there is always a lurking agenda.

Ultimately, they are determining one very major factor. And that is if there is any possibility that there may be a new little mustard pants being brought into the world by an unsanctioned woman because that affects everyone in the tribe. And mom and auntie are territorial and will want to be acutely informed because this could drastically affect the family dynamic.

You are an adult now and adults make babies. And if that baby is coming from a woman not approved by the consensus, you’re seriously fucking with everyone’s happy place. And women understand this much better than men.

People need labels. They need it on their shirts, on their spaghetti sauce, on their prescriptions, and on you. Because life is easier to manage when things are categorized and put in their rightful place.

So, understand that nomenclature is vital.

And as a species, there is the matter of instinct when introducing more human beings into the clan.

And the planet.

Because we’ve become too populated.

We need to become more potulated.