Human Beings are fragile organisms. We all are quite aware that this precious life of ours can be gone in a split second without much warning at all. At any given moment, a satellite dish could literally crash your party. A rogue solar flare could flash fry half the planet into a sunburned ass cheek. You could wake up dead.
You could slip on a banana peel.
Every day, everywhere you go, there are risks. Yet, there are some things that we tend to commonly ignore that put us in a higher category of becoming a statistic. Like driving slowly in the fast lane. Driving fastly in the fast lane. Driving stoned fastly in the fast lane.
And then there are people we know who barrel through life with an alarming mode of reckless abandon, almost to the point of where you get the sense they’re purposefully antagonizing destiny in a direct game of chicken.
My buddy Davey Dabs is one of those people.
Not one to shy away from repeated gravity dabs at house parties followed by shirtless belly flops off the roof into the swimming pool followed by hours of marinating in the hot tub to the point of where the water begins to acquire flavor, he once stared into an old, dirty microwave for 40 minutes while it was running just to prove that he wouldn’t die.
I know, right
And then he pounded a 64 ounce Slurpee, moaning and groaning through the pain. He said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you…” There was a moment of silence with temple veins bulging, and the word never came to him. It was as if the synapsis’ seized up like a locked clutch on a ’69 Volkswagon Beetle. Davey Dabs has never been quite the same since.
When Davey Dabs head is shaved, it exposes tattooed Viking horns on each side.
In Viking Age Scandinavia the average life expectancy was 25-30 years.
Davey Dabs is 32.
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