175. These Things Don’t Help You Quit Porn

Welcome to episode #175! This week, Matt and Braden talk about faulty strategies that don't really help you quit porn.

You can’t beat porn on your own. You need community.

We try to deal with our porn problem by ourselves. So no one has to know. We can talk about it without feeling the “shame” of going through it anymore and won’t feel uncomfortable talking about it. You need people around you. God called us into community and to connect. When we are battling with a porn addiction, your inclination is to become isolated and hidden. You are able to learn and heal in that community. 

You have to deal with the issues and not just run ahead of them.

Saying, “I’m too busy for porn”, and filling your schedule with other things is not a solution. The deception is that you are filling your calendar with “good things”. But what happens when you’re not busy anymore? Or you burn out because of your business? Jesus gave us the model to retreat to moments of solitude with his father. God calls us to rest, to have peace, to not be overburdened with the things of life. If you are running at a pace that keeps you from looking at porn, it is unsustainable. You are not looking at the issues that need to be dealt with. They will still exist even if you’re busy. So when you are triggered, the desire to go back to those behaviours, like porn, will still be there. If you have issues that are existing, you have to deal with them. Learn your triggers and the deeper rooted issues for why you are going to porn. Let God work in the inner areas of your life. That’s where you will find breakthrough and healing. 

You can’t rely too much on your accountability partners.

Community and support is important, but you need to take initiative. God says in Matthew 11 “Come to me”. He wants us to come to him, to take that first step. It is a victim mindset thinking that they aren’t really helping you. Come up with a plan with your accountability partner to follow up, when to talk about it, and check ins. But make sure that you are following through as well. You have to take ownership of your healing. 

Don’t just focus on your external behaviour. 

You need to focus on inner healing as well as external behaviour. You need to come to God, surrender, and walk and work in healing. It takes being real going through your past, areas that porn is masking over. You have to go deeper. If you are just dealing with surface level behaviour, you’ll only have surface level break through. A lasting freedom and peace comes from a deeper work that God does in your heart. Make sure your walk with God is growing on the daily. You cannot get free on willpower alone. You need to surrender to God. Not only reading the bible, but doing what it says. Walking with Jesus is the key thing to have freedom from porn. 

Our freedom journey is a lifelong journey. 

You don’t just check off the box when you get to that point and continue to live your life. You will always need to be walking with Jesus, have community around you and the continued work of inner healing. Just because you haven’t looked at porn for a while, doesn’t mean that you are free. If you don’t grow when you’re free, you run the greater risk of falling back in. You need to keep healing, getting counselled and being mentored. You need to keep renewing your mind and learning your authority in Christ. Sobriety or freedom is not a destination. Deliverance is also not the end. There is a spiritual battle going on that we need to be aware of. However, your porn addiction is not strictly a demonic oppression or possession. You need to take ownership of the work that it takes to find freedom and work with God not just wait for him to deliver you. You need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12). If you are not renewing your mind when you are set free or delivered, you can fall back in and often times worse than ever. Hide the word of God in your heart and do what it says. Actively take initiate, train yourself in godliness, renew your mind and meditate on his word. 

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Podcast Hosts

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.