EP 419: How to Find Yourself Again After Your Children Are Grown with Julia

This coaching call is about the motherhood transition and finding your identity. Today’s caller, Julia, has children leaving the nest. She is unsure what comes next for her. She asks Christine for guidance about what she can do to discover who she is.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode419].

 

The earlier in life we have children the less time we have to work on our own inner child. Part of why we hang on to moments with our kids is because our inner child may not have had it. The more we have a connection to our own inner child and our sense of play and magic the less we need children around us to give us that. So much of what mothers miss from children is the sense of unconditional love and joy.

 

One of the things our culture is not great with is grief and letting it be okay that we are grieving. And, when we don’t complete a cycle with ritual and intention it still lingers. A part of us is always in the past. We always have nostalgia and it makes it harder to step into our next phase.

 

Often, we try to redo our childhood through parenthood. We’re trying to give our children the life that we didn’t have and it is beautiful that we want to do better. But what can happen is we become so involved in our child’s life and become so immersed in parenthood, particularly motherhood, that we neglect our own inner child.

 

It’s a delicate balance to mother others while mothering ourselves. Remember not to neglect your inner child by putting everything you have into your children. It is important we parent our inner child as well.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you at an age in life where you are trying to get excited about the next chapter but are having a hard time doing it?

• Are you going through any kind of transition and you find it bittersweet?

• Have you questioned your identity, not just from moving from motherhood to being an empty-nester?

• Have you avoided dealing with your childhood by being a great parent or having a great life as an adult and you know it’s time to deal with your childhood?

 

Julia’s Question:

Julia feels she is in a phase in life where she doesn’t know what comes next for her. She asks for guidance about how to rediscover herself.

 

Julia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She just sent her oldest off to college.

• She has one child still at home.

• She doesn’t want this motherhood phase to be over.

• She worked and traveled before she had children.

• She may not know herself as an adult woman.

• She feels that possibly her best years have passed.

• She is considering joining the Signature Retreat.

• She wishes more people spoke about this motherhood transition.

• She teaches Pilates.

• She feels like she needs to get busy doing something.

• She is grieving her childhood.

• Her childhood was chaotic.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Recognize the things about motherhood that she won’t miss.

• Find ways to enjoy today.

• Join the Signature Retreat.

• Take the opportunity to relax into her feminine energy.

• Consider who she wants to be and what she wants to leave behind.

• Take the space to nurture and heal her inner child.

 

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

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