266: The Sexy Lie: How Self-Objectification Damages Women's Lives

As our reality becomes more entwined with social media, an ever-increasing number of girls and women are engaging in self-objectification. And while gaining money, resources and agency may seem empowering, there are hidden impacts to this behavior that can have far-reaching consequences for women, girls, and our society as a whole. Today’s guest, Dr. Caroline Heldman, describes this phenomenon as ‘the sexy lie’ and outlines it in her new book The Sexy Lie: The War on Women’s Bodies and How to Fight Back.

Dr. Heldman has spent the bulk of her career engaging in issues around gender and social justice. She has published seven books on gender justice and politics and is a professor of Critical Theory & Social Justice at Occidental College in Los Angeles. Her work has been featured in numerous documentaries, including Miss Representation and The Mask You Live In. She is also the  Executive Director of The Representation Project, a political commentator for Spectrum and CNN, and co-founder of the New Orleans Women’s Shelter, the Lower Ninth Ward Living Museum, End Rape on Campus (EROC), Faculty Against Rape (FAR), and led the End Rape Statute of Limitations (ERSOL) that successfully abolished the time limit on prosecuting rape in California.

In today’s conversation with Caroline, we tackle the difficult topic of how women are sexually objectified, the way it’s normalized within mainstream culture, and how this makes it virtually impossible for women to achieve full value in society. Caroline provides a comprehensive breakdown of ‘the sexy lie’ and how mistaking attention for power has led to the common misconception that self-objectification is empowering before unpacking the profoundly harmful effects of objectification on girls and women. Listeners will also hear her expert insights on the role of capitalism, profit margins, and the patriarchy in women’s sexual objectification and the structural changes it will take to alter these entrenched systems of power.

Our conversation also explores the insidious impact of objectification culture in the workplace before hearing some much-needed advice on what women can do to fight back against internalizing the sexy lie and how to change society for the better. It’s no secret that our culture objectifies women, but by facing it head-on, naming it, and recognizing it for what it is, we can find new ways to ignite change and fight for better outcomes. Caroline is a deeply inspiring guest and I personally learned so much from this conversation.. Be sure to tune in to this today and share it with the men and women you know.
 

Key Highlights From This Episode:

• Introducing Dr. Caroline Heldman, her definition of “the sexy lie” is, and the harmful effect this has on girls and women.  [01:52]

• The overlap of power, influence and impact; why women tend to shun power; and how power is regularly defined in masculine terms. [09:57]

• How society (de)values women; the gains and setbacks over the past few decades. [12:44]

• The appeal of self-objectification and how we mistake attention for power. [15:14]

• An overview of society’s deeply entrenched anti-fat bias, diet culture, and the harmful misconceptions we have when it comes to weight and size. [17:15]

• How to understand power in the context of monetizing your image, reinforcing the male gaze, and the consequences for one’s self and broader society as a whole. [19:11]

• Sexual objectification, how it dehumanizes people, and the many harms that this causes, especially for marginalized women. [24:17]

• The serious impact of porn and social media on younger generations and their understanding of sex. [30:07]

• Caroline’s advice on how to navigate objectification culture: recognizing to what extent you’ve internalized the sexy lie, reframing your outlook, and changing your habits. [35:31]

• How our culture of objectification affects women in the workplace, and the extensive work that still needs to be done when it comes to creating an equal and just society. [43:01]

 

For More Information:

Dr. Caroline Heldman

Dr. Caroline Heldman on YouTube

Dr. Caroline Heldman on Instagram

Dr. Caroline Heldman on X

Dr. Caroline Heldman on Facebook

 

 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

 

Caroline’s latest book, The Sexy Lie: The War on Women’s Bodies and How to Fight Back

Caroline’s TEDxTalk, The Sexy Lie

Learn about The Representation Project and End Rape on Campus

Check out her work in Miss Representation and The Mask You Live

Learn more about New Orleans Women’s Shelter, the Lower Ninth Ward Living Museum, End Rape on Campus (EROC), Faculty Against Rape (FAR)

Listen to Finding Brave Episode 248: Essential Career Strategies for Underrepresented Women with Octavia Goredema
Octavia’s book Prep, Push, Pivot: Essential Career Strategies for Underrepresented Women

Listen to Finding Brave Episode 4: Gender, Power and Relationships: The Crushing Effects of Patriarchy with Terry Real

 

Join me in my Fall 2023 Career & Leadership Growth Courses – Choose the One That Suits You Best (or take BOTH) and Move Forward Fast in your professional and personal life!

This Fall I am happy to be offering BOTH of my top-rated courses – starting the week of September 25th, 2023. Enroll in the one that fits your needs and budget best (or join me in both) and positively transform your work and career (and your life) in the most direct and effective way possible.

Check out the two courses below and register now as an early bird (with great savings and bonuses) for the one that is most compelling to you, and achieve the success, reward, and impact you long for, in work you love and are proud of.

This is information all professionals need to understand if they want to reach their highest, most fulfilling potential and visions.

Course 1: The Most Powerful You – Close Your Power and Confidence Gaps and Rise – 8 weeks, meets every Wednesday from Noon to 1:15 pm EST

8-week online LIVE course focused on building your confidence, strength, impact and self-esteem so you can achieve what you long to
Starts Wednesday, 9/27, held via Zoom, Wednesdays  Noon to 1:15 pm EST

Empower your journey towards personal and professional success with “The Most Powerful You” 8-week course, a transformative learning experience from Kathy Caprino. Drawing on her coaching and training of thousands of professionals worldwide, her qualitative and quantitative research, and from her acclaimed book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss, including interviews with over 50 of the top experts in fields essential to our success, Kathy offers a comprehensive program designed for women who are ready to claim their true power and impact, and build their confidence and self-esteem in the process.

Through insightful lessons and practical exercises, you’ll shatter limiting beliefs, build more resilience and strength, and cultivate vital communication and interpersonal skills, networking ability, learn how to challenge mistreatment, build negotiation strength, and more! The ultimate result? You’ll take new steps to leverage all that you are to do work you love and find meaning and joy all along the way.

With Kathy’s guidance, learn how to address and overcome once and for all the seven most damaging power and confidence gaps that hinder our progress. Join Kathy and a supportive community of like-minded women and access proven strategies to elevate your career and life. This course is for you if you’re ready to embrace your authentic self and embark on the path to becoming “The Most Powerful You” today.

CLICK HERE (or visit https://mostpowerfulyou.com) FOR MORE INFO AND TO REGISTER AS AN EARLY BIRD AND SAVE!

Course 2: The Amazing Career Project – 16 weeks, meeting every Thursday, Noon to 1:15 pm EST

16-week online LIVE course focused on helping you improve, pivot or change your career in the best way, without costly mistakes
(Starts Thursday, 9/28, held via Zoom, Thursdays Noon – 1:15 pm EST)

Discover your path to a more fulfilling and rewarding career with The Amazing Career Project course. Embark on a transformative journey of the 16 most essential steps to building an amazing career that blends personal reflection, actionable strategies, powerful teaching, and group/community support to revitalize your professional life.

You’ll learn how to evaluate what has to change in your career to find more happiness and reward. And you’ll uncover your unique strengths, conquer self-doubt, and align with your true passions. Gain exclusive access to Kathy’s proven techniques for navigating career challenges, and take these five essential steps to advancing in your role or career, achieving more success, or transitioning successfully to a new exciting direction.

The Amazing Career Project is for you if you want to ignite confidence, reconnect to your purpose, and take steps to build the career you’ve always envisioned. Enroll now and unlock a brighter professional future.

CLICK HERE (or visit https://amazingcareerproject.com) FOR MORE INFO AND TO REGISTER:

OR TAKE BOTH and SAVE 50% on the 2nd course!

Thank you so much and can’t wait to support you starting the week of September 25th!

 

———————

Order Kathy’s book The Most Powerful You today!

In Australia and New Zealand, click here to order, elsewhere outside North America, click here, and in the UK, click here.

If you enjoy the book, we’d so appreciate your giving the book a positive rating and review on Amazon! And check out Kathy’s digital companion course The Most Powerful You, to help you close the 7 most damaging power gaps in the most effective way possible. 

Kathy’s Power Gaps Survey, Support To Build Your LinkedIn Profile To Great Success & Other Free Resources

Kathy’s TEDx Talk, Time To Brave Up & Free Career Path Self-Assessment

Kathy’s Amazing Career Project video training course & 6 Dominant Action Styles Quiz

 

———————

Sponsor Highlight

I'm thrilled that both Audible.com and Amazon Music are sponsors of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offers and free trials today!

Audible Offer

Amazon Music Offer

 

Quotes:

“The sexy lie is the lie that being a sex object is empowering.” — @carolineheldman [0:04:35]

“We know that the more you internalize this idea that you're supposed to be sexy for the outside world — and that your appearance is your primary form of value — the less happy you are.” — @carolineheldman [0:07:28]

“At the end of the day, women are still treated as second class citizens in fundamental ways. Especially marginalized women.” — @carolineheldman [0:13:28]

“We're still devalued. And how do we know this? Because one in six women will experience sexual violence over the course of her lifetime. And only 1% of rapists ever see a day inside a jail cell.” — @carolineheldman [0:13:52]

“This is not about women's sexual pleasure. This is about feeling bad about our bodies and buying more stuff because of it.” — @carolineheldman [0:27:50]

“Little girls view their bodies as these projects to work on and constantly be improved. And little boys view their bodies as these tools to master their environment.” — @carolineheldman [0:47:59]

 

Watch our Finding Brave episodes on YouTube!

Don’t forget – you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my YouTube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show!