Navigating the ups and downs of marriage using the Enneagram with Christa Hardin

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Today I'm talking with Christa Hardin, MA, a relationship expert, author, and the host of the popular Enneagram & Marriage Podcast. Christa has been working with and researching marriage for two decades, providing hope for couples who are struggling to find their light, love, and mission together in any season of relationship. Her most recent title, The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing is due out with Baker Books October 3. You can catch up with her at @enneagramandmarriage on Instagram or find her many resources over at www.enneagramandmarriage.com

Timestamps

The importance of understanding different seasons of a relationship [00:04:11] Discussion on how every season of a relationship is different and the need to carry awareness of each other throughout.

The concept of the window of tolerance [00:05:25] Explanation of the window of tolerance in relation to regulating our nervous systems and its impact on relationships.

The role of boundaries and self-care in maintaining a healthy marriage [00:08:14] Exploration of the importance of setting boundaries with a spouse and practicing self-care for a healthy and lasting marriage.

Understanding Subtype Work [00:09:14] Krista explains the concept of subtype work and how it can contribute to growth in marriage.

The Importance of Instincts [00:09:33] Krista discusses the three basic instincts (self-preserving, sexual, and social) and their role in relationships and marriage.

Co-Regulation vs. Co-Dependence [00:13:38] Krista differentiates between co-regulation, where spouses invite each other into their best gifts, and co-dependence, where there is a sense of demand for regulation from the spouse.

The importance of understanding conflict in marriage [00:18:35] The speaker discusses the misconception of having a perfect marriage without conflict and the excitement of hearing examples of healthy marriages that contain conflict.

The concept of the window of tolerance in relationships [00:19:33] The speaker explains the concept of the window of tolerance in the context of marriage and how external factors can impact a relationship's ability to reach the pinnacle of self-actualization.

Using the Enneagram to understand and support growth in a relationship [00:21:26] The speakers discuss the importance of focusing on personal growth and using the Enneagram to understand oneself and one's partner, rather than trying to push the partner's growth journey.

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