RE 83: Keeping Expectations Realistic in Sobriety

Kendall has been sober for 130 days… Here’s his story... Resources mentioned in this episode: Connect with Cafe RE For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel. First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator. recoveryelevator.com/survey Sobriety Tracker AA Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ SHOW NOTES Paul on Lowering the bar… “I have a  podcast about being okay with the way things are, and I’ll admit, this episode is not perfect, there are some things left out.” Paul has been sober for 730 days. “Life at two years sober is better than life 730 days ago… My anxiety, that has pretty much gone away. But, on day 729, I had a near meltdown… The bar of expectations I had put in place for myself, had slowly risen up over the past 1 ½ years. On day 730, I realized that I needed to be kind to myself, to be patient and to get realistic. 2 years is not a long time, I still have so much more to go. On day 729, self-loathing showed up… again… I was so far out of my comfort zone, but that is where the growth happens, and that is where I have been for the past year and a half. So, I’m lowering the bar, I’m going to take the time to observe what I’ve done, what’s going on around me and enjoy the moment. What’s my plan moving forward? Well, I’m not going to change a darn thing.” Paul is taking this one day at a time… One day at a time…   [ 10:16 ] Paul Introduces Kendall: Kendall is 28 and has been sober for 130 days. “It feels great, I’m free. I don’t have to carry the weight of being drunk.” Kendall is from Lawrence, Kansas and moved to Montana 5 years ago as a professional painter, in his free time he likes to head up into the mountains. [ 11:25 ] What made you want to stop? Kendall surrendered to alcohol on the anniversary of a death of a best friend who died from a drunk driving accident. Kendall reset his sobriety date after smoking a bowl after attending another funeral of a close friend. [ 13:42 ] What were your drinking habits like? “I would drink at least a 12-pack if not more. I’d start in the morning just to calm the jitters, then the moment I got off work the fun began.” Kendall used rules like “no hard alcohol,” “just O’Douls,” anything to maintain his sanity. “I got to drinking on the job, anything to keep my mind on alcohol.” After being dismissed from a family Christmas dinner, Kendall knew something was up. [ 16:28 ] How did you do it? (on choosing sobriety) Kendall utilized the rules of AA. “They spoke my language, they have a plan and they know how to do it.” Kendall felt connected once he got a sponsor, a home group and started doing service. “It works if you work it.” [ 17:55 ] “Drinking is but a symptom…” Kendall dives into this idea. [ 18:32 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…? “Oh boy, was that something else!” Kendall’s brain was so hard wired to drink. “The people in the world aren’t the problem, I always played the victim… It was all me. Selfish and self-centered.” “The moment that you’re able to accept some humility, that’s when the freedom begins.” Now, in sobriety, Kendall feels like the world is brighter and clearer. He can focus, eat and sleep, and do the things we do to be able to take care of ourselves. “It’s crazy how I’m now able to read a chapter and comprehend what I’m reading… It’s a gift.” [ 23:36 ] What have you lost to alcohol? “I’d say I lost my job, an education, an opportunity for an education, family, friends, relationships…” [ 24:50 ] Have cravings come and what do you do to move forward? Kendall will pray and utilize his sponsor. “One time I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot and pushed carts back just to do something, to get out of my head.” [ 27:34 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today? “The moment I wake up, I pray. I have gone through “the big book and the 12 & 12”. The first 30 minutes of my day are all geared towards AA. I use the serenity prayer. The moment I get off work I go to a meeting, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I like to keep it simple."   [ 28:37 ] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking?  “Christmas dinner when I wanted to see my family but I couldn't because I had been dismissed because of my habits.” Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “The morning after I had been fired for drinking on the job and I had to go meet with my boss… I just couldn’t.” What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? “To serve others and keep going to meetings.” What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “My sponsor.” What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Keep coming back. It works if you work it.” What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Keep your head out of the clouds and feet on the ground. Go to your local AA meeting.”   QUOTABLES “Sobriety is just straight up nothing.” - Paul “Deep down I needed an answer, I needed a solution… Really, I needed to check into reality…” - Kendall “I’m able to be Kendall, the Kendall that everybody knew that I could be when I put the bottle down.” - Kendall “What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular.” - Kendall “You might be an alcoholic if after your 3rd DUI and losing 2 best friends to alcohol, you think you still don’t have a problem with alcohol.” - Kendall “You don’t have to hangout with people you don’t like.” - Paul   “We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!” Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!