Sometimes things just don't go to plan

Today's topic is bum, bum. Sometimes things just don't go to plan, right? And I am having one of those times where everything is just not quite lining up.

Things are not bad, but there's just constant shifting and moving, and it's making me a little crazy, to be honest. And I thought this was a great lesson to talk to all of you guys about. So, you know, my entire existence right now is up in the air. And it's been so frustrating because normally I like to have a plan.

I like to have a well thought out and don't say perfect plan, but I'm the kind of person if this, then that. If this happens, then I'll do this, if this, then that. But sometimes things just don't go to plan and there's really nothing that we can do about it except for reevaluate and move on. So for me, this started when I had finally made the decision to move to South Carolina.

And I got a apartment. It was perfect until it wasn't. I was promised that the owner of the home would only be there on a very rare occasion because they traveled for work. So they might be there maybe one day a month. Well, that's not what ended up happening. He ended up moving his girlfriend in and then she had his kid over a lot.

And what I was promised didn't happen. And it made it really hard for me to do my work and it really stressed me out. Now, she didn't stress me out and the kid didn't stress me out. But planning a business where I'm on calls all day where I need quiet to record, this was a big problem. And the only reason I had agreed to live with somebody is because we had basically completely separate areas and completely separate houses,

right? There was no interaction at all. And it sounds really selfish, but that's kind of what I need for my business, is I need a very private, quiet space. There's no way for me to do savvy groomer in a loud house with a young child or someone who's gonna be there all day watching tv, you know? And watching these very loud reality TVs,

which are basically shows where people are yelling at each other all day. And when I explained to them, Hey, I can hear this background noise. This isn't what we agreed to. It wasn't easy to figure out. So then what do you do? Right? Then I've gotta figure that out. And so I put a deposit, I was looking for my house anyway,

so I put a deposit on this gorgeous townhouse. It was perfect. It was everything I wanted. And I really fell in love with this townhouse. And it was taking significantly longer to build than was promised. I was promised this house was going to be done before Thanksgiving. Well, the house was not finished in November, nor was it done in December,

nor was it done in January, nor was it done in February. It was not officially done till March. And that became a problem. Long story short, we had had, I had had rather an independent inspector and they had found an electrical issue. 'cause so here I am, right? And another thing happened in between then. I was having this really uncomfortable home life situation.

And my sister found out she was six months pregnant. The father was not going to be in the picture. So she was gonna need a lot of love support. And as somebody who had gone through a pregnancy on my own and had raised my son for a long time by myself, you know, my son's father and I split when we were pregnant and I lived in my car and there was a lot of trauma around that.

You know how we talk about the Ellis Childhood trauma. So I had to make a decision, you know, she could really use my help with preparing for this baby. She didn't have a lot of time to prepare. Not only that, she had found around Thanksgiving that she was gonna have this baby. So that's right around the busy season for grooming.

So I was like, you know what? My house was gonna be done around Thanksgiving anyway, so I packed up all of my stuff and put it into storage. And I was like, when the house is done, I'll move everything into the house. And until then, I will stay at an Airbnb and Rhode Island and take care of my family. Because reevaluating your,

you know, what you at your core are about is very important. And for me, it was about taking care of my family. And I'm not gonna lie, you know, I really did not have any, want to spend another cold winter. That's really not what I wanted at all. But my love and value for my family, I had to evaluate,

okay, which do I care about more? Right? And that was to take care of them, you know, to make sure that she has a better pregnancy and that she felt safe and nurtured and to help my family's grooming business survive, right? Because she hadn't had prenatal care and they didn't know how the pregnancy was gonna go, go. You know,

there was a lot of, a lot of moving pieces to that. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna stay in Airbnb. I'm gonna enjoy my time. I'm gonna make it work. Well fast forward to purchasing my home. Finally, you know, my sister had her baby, they're pretty comfortable. I covered her maternity leave, so everything should be working out perfectly well when I went to go buy my house,

which I'm very attached to, you know, especially being, being homeless more than once, you get very attached to homes. So we did an independent inspection. It came back that there was an electrical issue and there were some other minor things, but the electrical issue was the big thing. And they basically, the builders told me I had two options,

buy it as is, and they would fix it in theory later. But they didn't agree with the electrical issue that my inspector was finding. Now, my inspector was incredibly thorough. He put readings, and again, I don't know much about electricity, but you know, the, I don't know if it's the voltage or whatever, but it kept going up and down.

One of the bedrooms was completely wired wrong. It had outlets in the house going nowhere. It had just, everything was all messed up electrically in the house. So I had to make a decision, do I close on this house and accept that my electrical issues could potentially burn my house down and take the emotional liability of that if my cat passes away,

or if my son is coming down to South Carolina and, and that were happening, or what would I do? You know? And on the flip side, just the idea of having to potentially rip out all of my walls to make sure that the electrical is fixed. 'cause in theory, everyone's like, oh, well you can just cut a small hole.

Well, we didn't know the extent of the problems. And then I had talked to somebody else, they said, this is why when you're building a new house, we tell you before they patch everything up for you to inspect the wires. Now, part of me was very upset with myself because if I had been in South Carolina where I was, I would've seen these issues,

right? I would've seen these things happening instead, by helping out my family. Now, I was in this new predicament, and long story short, they told me that if I did not close and take the house as is, that they were not only going to keep my deposit, which was well over $10,000, basically, they were just gonna sell it to somebody else for $30,000 more,

which is exactly what they did. So I had to hire an attorney. Thankfully, I do have an attorney friend who was able to fight with them over this and get my money back. But it was really devastating. This house had everything I wanted, had the right amount of bedrooms, I picked out the colors, I picked out the i, I upgraded my stove,

I upgraded my fridge. You know, I had all of the Ikea furniture and all of the furniture I had pictured and planned, and I hadn't ordered yet, but like it was mine. It was all mine. And it was so devastating, it was so devastating. And it was really hard for me to go, okay, what I'm, I'm losing my home,

this home that I've dreamed about forever, right? And then I've also lost this, this whole life. I had planned this life in South Carolina of, you know, riding my bike into downtown and, you know, having drinks downtown and having this very metropolitan life and not having the winner and having a two car garage. And I just had this whole vision of everything that I was going to do.

Now, part of you is like, why am I getting so personal? Why am I explaining this to you? Because I bet you've had things like this happen to you in your life or in your business, right? You've picked out the space to open up your business and you've, you've imagined where everything's gonna go. And you've like already picked out the tile and you've done this and that,

only to find out that the landlord gave the lease to somebody else. Or only to find out the zoning's not gonna let you do it, right? Or maybe you've done it in your house and you're gonna have it in your house. Or maybe you decide that you're gonna get a grooming van only to find out that you're not qualifying for, or you don't have a big enough down payment.

We've all been through this buildup and buildup and buildup, and then great loss. So what do we do? We roll with it. And it's not easy and we pray, or whatever it is that you do, meditate, manifest for a better resolution. And my dream is to have a house somewhere warm. And I've fallen in love with Greenville, South Carolina.

Am I gonna be there now? Not right now. Why? Because the market's crazy. And I have to look at my fundamental values. Does savvy groomer align with what I want? And I had to help my mom and my sister to make sure that their business, their grooming business aligned with what they want long term. You know, I asked my sister like,

do you wanna be grooming cats for a long time? Or is this just now to make a paycheck? What do you love about it? Can you earn enough? Can you earn enough to be a single mom? Because she's gonna be a single mom for a long time. And that kills me. 'cause I've been there. My heart breaks for her and her baby.

And this is my goal for you guys, is for you to make sure your business aligns for your long time. Because then when things don't work out the way you want them to, it gives you another opportunity to say, Hey, fundamentally, what is it that I valued? I wanted to get a bike to bike into downtown. I wanted to have live in a place that was transient.

That way I can have friendships with people from all over the world. I wanted to have a house that I can do business retreats in, or at least one-on-one in person classes. I really want to be able to have you guys come to my place, be my guest, let's go to the beach. Or go to the mountains and sit down and look at what you've done in the classes that I teach and say,

okay, what's working, what's not? And have those conversations. This is what I looked for. And a good friend of mine, you know, and I'm gonna butcher this, she said to me, you know, sometimes when we're drifting and she uses a lot of water analogies, and she's like, you know, when you're trying to, if you're,

you know, if you're in a raft, you know, and you're gonna be drifting towards an island, she says, sometimes you see the sticks and you think that they're the island, but they're just the stick. And so unfortunately, this dream house I had was my stick, right? Because it wasn't the right thing for me. I was hoping it was everything I wanted,

but it wasn't the right time, or it wasn't the right thing. Something happened. And in the moment, I was so devastated. I, I literally just was inconsolable for days. Like, absolutely, like I was shut down. I just curl up in a ball. I watch tv, I don't watch a lot of tv, and just cried and ate cheese balls.

I ate like an entire container of cheese balls. That's my bad food. I just cried because it also brought up all those old wounds. It brought up the feeling of someone ripping my home from me. I just kept crying. They took my home from me. And then good, bad, or indifferent, you know? And I, I love that I can be vulnerable with you guys.

And you know, just being very honest, it was, it sounds really messed up. But I was really upset that my mom was so kind to my sister, because she's such a different person now. And I love who she is now. And I honor who she is now. But she was not that person for me. I was so alone.

And it was really hard to see my sister be so supportive and supported rather, when I was not supported. And I love that they learned their lesson, they supported her. And I'm really sad that she's going to repeat a pattern that I've already done. So there were a lot of emotions that I had to work through. And I know for you,

if things don't go to plan, there's a lot of emotions. And sometimes it's just digging up old wounds, whether they're childhood wounds or they're just wounds from other painful experiences, right? 'cause that little shadow side in your head mindset to me, why is she more lovable than you? Why did she get to be supported? Why do they love her more than they love you?

And that's bullshit. But in the moment, in that moment, that's what my heart was saying, right? And that hurts. And I'm okay that it hurt because it allowed me to mend those feelings, right? Because that's not the reality. It's just they had to learn a lesson and then they were able to heal. Because I'm sure my mom is mortified that she was not supportive of me when I was pregnant.

And now here's her chance to redeem herself. Sometimes things work out that way. Sometimes our pain is someone else's lesson or ability to re, you know, I don't wanna say, you know, reprieve themselves, but you know, my mom was able to, right? A wrong that wrong was not righted with me, but it was righted. And I'm not okay with that in the sense that I shouldn't have been hurt in the first place.

But, you know, she proved she's a different person. And I proved that I can be supportive even when I hurt. And with the house, you know, I said to myself, okay, this is not the end. You know, I'm gonna buy land and I'm gonna buy something custom. And when the, you know, when this market calms down,

you know, I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna build a custom thing where I can do these amazing retreats, right? I'm gonna be able to do all of that. And it sucks sometimes when things don't go to plan and they take longer. 'cause I want it now. I wanted it in November, but now this dream I had is pushed further, right?

And sometimes that's what's gonna happen. And it sucks and it hurts. And it's annoying all those feelings, right? Maybe again, you plan on going mobile and you can't, or maybe you're gonna have a grooming salon in your house and that you can't, or maybe you're gonna hire employees, but there's all these obstacles in front of you. Or maybe you did hire employees and then they all quit.

Or they all, you realized how overwhelming it can be. Maybe it's something in your business that just didn't go to plan. And it sucks. You know, for me, you know that dream of being in ca, in South Carolina, in Greenville, in that warm area. And it's a great area. It's where I wanna be. But until then I'm gonna be okay.

You know, I ended up finding a place that I can do many retreats. I found a place in Newport, Rhode Island, which is one of my favorite places on the planet. If you've ever seen the Guild of Age on H B O, that's where I am. I am less than a mile from all those famous mansions. I am walking distance to fame street.

I'm walking distance to Broadway. These are where all those shops are. I can walk to probably 30 restaurants. I can take my little bike out and go ride by the ocean. I'm gonna buy me a little scooter and I'm gonna scoot to the beach in the morning and watch the waves. You know, I found an impossible place. You know, I just put it out to God in the universe.

I said, okay, this is what I want. I want a place big enough. And then I can have these meetings of the mind that I can have people come and we can do, I can pour over their information and sit at the coffee at the kitchen table, having a cup of coffee and look at them, you know, and they can come and write it off as a vacation,

you know, and see a new area and have fun. You know, it's a blessing. But it came from hurt. And it's not exactly what I wanted. But ultimately it worked out. You know, I have a year to find property and build or I can figure it out from there. 'cause sometimes things don't go to plan and sometimes they work out better and sometimes they're not quite what we want,

but they'll do for now. And that's kind of where I'm at. I am very blessed to have found the place I did. And it really fell into my lap. Ironically, the owner of this townhouse in Newport is the cousin of a famous groomer. And that is the reason he gave it to me is because he grew up knowing his cousin who was a groomer.

And it's just so interesting how the universe or God brings things together, right? It's one of those things that you're like, okay, we'll try this. I guess that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna try this out and if it doesn't work, I'm just gonna pivot. Just like you're gonna do. If things are not working out, they get better.

And it sucks to say that, 'cause I wanted my house in Greenville. I still want my house in Greenville. I, all I wanted them to do was fix it. And I wanted to move all my stuff in. And I wanna, I just want it so bad and it hurts so much. But ultimately this aligns more with my vision For now,

I'm gonna be here for my sister, for her baby, and support their business. You know, my son is gonna be able to, instead of just visiting me and me visiting him, my plan was to come down once a month for about four to five days. Now I'm gonna have him 50 50, you know? And part of me was kind of excited about being selfish and putting myself first,

but I kind of still am. And it's, it's a constant shifting. And for you, what is constantly shifting, and I hope my vulnerability does not come off as me preaching. My goal for you guys is to hear my raw truth as it's not pretty. It's not pretty, it's really not. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. I feel like Murphy's Law in a person suit,

you know, I don't like that. I don't like that. I moved everything I owned down to South Carolina. I made a plan. I had everything working and then it felt like it was ripped from me. But there's a plan. I dunno what that plan is. And when I make it my plan, you know, I have to accept when things don't go to plan.

Because things are meant to be the way they're meant to be. And you don't have to believe that. I believe that. And I think sometimes I have to believe that. 'cause otherwise I would go crazy, you know? You know, I just spent, I spent two days in a truck driving back with all of my stuff, and it was really emotionally devastating.

But I'm really okay because I know I'm gonna have the things that I've really been called to do. Savvy groomer is gonna have a place where we can invite people to do these things. I'm gonna be able to groom in the cat van if I want to, right? That's amazing. I'm gonna watch my nephew grow up a little bit. You know,

when I left, my sister was never gonna have kids, and now she's got a baby and she's on her own. So that's where you always have to ask yourself, is the plan I have aligned? And make sure your business is aligned. My business is more aligned now than it was a year ago. 'cause as I grow classes, they're all about what I've gone through.

And I feel like I've mastered, or at least I've learned the lesson and now I can share with you. So that is today's topic. And again, I hope it doesn't come off preachy. I hope it doesn't come off whiny. My goal is for me to share my vulnerability, my realness, my genuineness, so that you can hear it. And ultimately you can take that knowledge and evaluate what you're going through.

No one's perfect. And me, less so than many, many people. All right guys. So that is today's topic all about. Sometimes things just don't go to plan. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't be mean to yourself. Just say, you know, and it's hard. It was really hard for me in the moment to say, okay,

not getting this house is a blessing, not a curse. That is not what I wanted to hear. But you know, and don't you hate that? You're like, ugh. It was, it was a blessing and not a curse. And I can always pick up later where I left off, you know? And the same thing when I sold my cat grooming business.

I went through the same emotional regret. And one thing that got me through is you can always just buy another grooming van. And that's the truth. Sometimes things don't go the way we want them to. And it's not meant for us now, or it was never meant for us in the first place. And I say that as someone who's been single in July for four years.

You know, I want love and I want marriage. I want more children, but it's not meant for me right now. The savvy groomer is exploding, but I'm not going to every trade show. Why? Because it's not meant for me yet. But next year, fingers crossed it will be. I really believe that. You don't have to believe that.