Eps 445: Finding the firmness sweet spot with Julietta Skoog

My guest today is Julietta Skoog!  My sister from another mister, Julietta, is my colleague at Sproutable, and she’s here today to talk about firmness.  Julietta starts by defining what firmness means (hint: it’s follow through, not being mean!), and we talk about how tone and confidence play into firmness.  We get into “being strict,” taking time for training & giving kids independence, and supporting our teens who need new social experiences.  Julietta shares her wisdom on leaning on relationship, connection, firmness when things get bigger with your kids and how to stay curious & collaborative.  I ask Julietta what we can do if our relationship is feeling frayed, and share the power in saying, “I love you, and the answer is no.” I ask what we can do when our teenagers physically leave against our wishes and what to do when they return.  Julietta and I talk about how messy & relentless being firm can be, then Jules shares an “aha” moment  about the teen years, and we wrap up with some thoughts on how our own teen years influence us. 

Takeways from the show

• What is firmness?  What does it look like?  Sound like? 
• Is firmness being mean? 
• Firmness is the foundation for mutual respect 
• Being a consistent parent 
• “Mean what you say and say what you mean” 
• Teens need new social experiences - how can we set them up for success? 
• “I love you, and the answer is no.” 
• What to do when your teen physically leaves (against your wishes) and what to do when they return 
• The similarities between the toddler years & teen years 
• Moving from regulation to relationship to reason 
• Firmness takes practice!  It can be uncomfortable. 
• “Fiercely committed, lovingly detached”

For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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