Society & Culture:Relationships
How Do Cheaters React When Accused? 13 Ways to Know You’ve Caught Them
2022-01-22
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How Do Cheaters React When Accused? 13 Ways to Know You’ve Caught Them
If someone has ever cheated on you, you know the heartbreak doesn’t end once you find the evidence of your cheater’s crimes. You’ve still have to confront them about what they’ve done, and that’s never easy. From manipulation and gaslighting to tears and guilt, not all cheaters follow the same script.
However, every cheater’s reaction may be a little different when you confront or accuse them. So here are thirteen different ways these confrontations typically play out.
Ways a Cheating Partner Responds When Confronted
There are plenty of excuses in a cheater’s playbook, and we’ve listed some of the most common ones for you below.
They Typically Deny
When you first accuse them, it’s not unusual for cheaters to deny the entire incident (or incidents), even if you’ve got hard proof of their adultery.
They may tell you that other people are lying to you or that any pictures, videos, or screenshots are fake. A cheater doesn’t have any valid alibi, but they’ll try their hardest to turn you against anyone that’s told the truth.
This tactic is often employed when you’ve been told about the cheating by someone else, but even if you discovered it on your own, a cheater might still try and deny it.
They Will Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a word used to describe when someone tries to manipulate you into questioning your memory, perception, or reality. For example, if someone insults you and you confront them about it, a gaslighter may tell you:
“I never said that.”
“That didn’t happen.”
“You’re just being sensitive.”
“You take things the wrong way.”
While it can happen between friends and family, gaslighting can be especially apparent in relationships, especially with cheaters.
Once they’re desperate, cheaters will do anything to convince you things aren’t as they seem. Rather than deny what happened, they may tell you you’re ridiculous for even suggesting they’d cheat or that you don’t know what you saw or heard.
A cheater’s goal is to make you question the reality of the situation, but this is just a manipulation tactic, and it’s essential to stick to the truth.
They Will Turn the Tables
Similar to gaslighting, some cheaters may try and turn the tables and lay the blame on you. Instead of admitting to their own choices, they may argue that you pushed them into it, you haven’t been paying them enough attention, you’re too tied up with work, and that they had no choice but to look for attention elsewhere. They may even accuse you of cheating.
With this tactic, the cheater will do and say anything to make their mistake into yours. If they succeed, a cheater will have you begging their forgiveness. Not the other way around.
Read More: Husband Turning Everything Around On You?
They Will Make It About Them
When accusing a cheater, the confrontation should focus on their mistake, but some cheaters may try to make the situation about them.
Rather than express remorse, they’ll make excuses. They’ll tell you how stressed out they’ve been with work, how vulnerable they’ve been, and how unhappy they’ve been. They may even tell you how guilty they feel about what they did or how they just can’t get over it.
A cheater wants to avoid the confrontation, so they’ll try and redirect the conversation onto why they’ve been unhappy or stressed out. They’ll make it about their emotions and feelings, not yours.
If a cheater can successfully make it all about them, you may spend the entire conversation talking through their feelings or even comforting the cheater about their adultery.
They Will Blame Alcohol and Drugs
One of a cheater’s favorite ways of redirecting fault is by blaming drugs or alcohol. If they cheated at a party, they might tell you they were too drunk or high to think clearly, and didn’t mean for the incident to happen.
Although your partner may not have been sober while it happened, you’ve still got to remember that they made a choice to drink or do drugs heavily. Plenty of adults participate in recreational alcohol and drugs, but not all cheat on their partners.
A cheater is still responsible for choosing to drink or do drugs, especially at an event or party where they may have the opportunity.
They Will Lie About How Many Times It Happened
Cheaters want to make themselves seem as innocent as possible, so they may also lie about details of their cheating, including how many times it happened. When you confront them, don’t be surprised if your partner tells you that it only happened once or was just one mistake.
While it’s possible you may have caught them the first time, it’s more likely that there’s been a pattern of cheating throughout your relationship. Keep in mind that most cheaters continue to cheat until they get caught, not just one or two times.
They Will Say It Won’t Happen Again
While some cheaters may deny it from the start, others may be honest about it while promising never to let it happen again.
However, now that they’ve already broken your trust, it’s a lot harder for most people to believe that their partner will never cheat again. Most of the time, you’ve got two choices when you hear this statement:
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If someone has ever cheated on you, you know the heartbreak doesn’t end once you find the evidence of your cheater’s crimes. You’ve still have to confront them about what they’ve done, and that’s never easy. From manipulation and gaslighting to tears and guilt, not all cheaters follow the same script.
However, every cheater’s reaction may be a little different when you confront or accuse them. So here are thirteen different ways these confrontations typically play out.
Ways a Cheating Partner Responds When Confronted
There are plenty of excuses in a cheater’s playbook, and we’ve listed some of the most common ones for you below.
They Typically Deny
When you first accuse them, it’s not unusual for cheaters to deny the entire incident (or incidents), even if you’ve got hard proof of their adultery.
They may tell you that other people are lying to you or that any pictures, videos, or screenshots are fake. A cheater doesn’t have any valid alibi, but they’ll try their hardest to turn you against anyone that’s told the truth.
This tactic is often employed when you’ve been told about the cheating by someone else, but even if you discovered it on your own, a cheater might still try and deny it.
They Will Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a word used to describe when someone tries to manipulate you into questioning your memory, perception, or reality. For example, if someone insults you and you confront them about it, a gaslighter may tell you:
“I never said that.”
“That didn’t happen.”
“You’re just being sensitive.”
“You take things the wrong way.”
While it can happen between friends and family, gaslighting can be especially apparent in relationships, especially with cheaters.
Once they’re desperate, cheaters will do anything to convince you things aren’t as they seem. Rather than deny what happened, they may tell you you’re ridiculous for even suggesting they’d cheat or that you don’t know what you saw or heard.
A cheater’s goal is to make you question the reality of the situation, but this is just a manipulation tactic, and it’s essential to stick to the truth.
They Will Turn the Tables
Similar to gaslighting, some cheaters may try and turn the tables and lay the blame on you. Instead of admitting to their own choices, they may argue that you pushed them into it, you haven’t been paying them enough attention, you’re too tied up with work, and that they had no choice but to look for attention elsewhere. They may even accuse you of cheating.
With this tactic, the cheater will do and say anything to make their mistake into yours. If they succeed, a cheater will have you begging their forgiveness. Not the other way around.
Read More: Husband Turning Everything Around On You?
They Will Make It About Them
When accusing a cheater, the confrontation should focus on their mistake, but some cheaters may try to make the situation about them.
Rather than express remorse, they’ll make excuses. They’ll tell you how stressed out they’ve been with work, how vulnerable they’ve been, and how unhappy they’ve been. They may even tell you how guilty they feel about what they did or how they just can’t get over it.
A cheater wants to avoid the confrontation, so they’ll try and redirect the conversation onto why they’ve been unhappy or stressed out. They’ll make it about their emotions and feelings, not yours.
If a cheater can successfully make it all about them, you may spend the entire conversation talking through their feelings or even comforting the cheater about their adultery.
They Will Blame Alcohol and Drugs
One of a cheater’s favorite ways of redirecting fault is by blaming drugs or alcohol. If they cheated at a party, they might tell you they were too drunk or high to think clearly, and didn’t mean for the incident to happen.
Although your partner may not have been sober while it happened, you’ve still got to remember that they made a choice to drink or do drugs heavily. Plenty of adults participate in recreational alcohol and drugs, but not all cheat on their partners.
A cheater is still responsible for choosing to drink or do drugs, especially at an event or party where they may have the opportunity.
They Will Lie About How Many Times It Happened
Cheaters want to make themselves seem as innocent as possible, so they may also lie about details of their cheating, including how many times it happened. When you confront them, don’t be surprised if your partner tells you that it only happened once or was just one mistake.
While it’s possible you may have caught them the first time, it’s more likely that there’s been a pattern of cheating throughout your relationship. Keep in mind that most cheaters continue to cheat until they get caught, not just one or two times.
They Will Say It Won’t Happen Again
While some cheaters may deny it from the start, others may be honest about it while promising never to let it happen again.
However, now that they’ve already broken your trust, it’s a lot harder for most people to believe that their partner will never cheat again. Most of the time, you’ve got two choices when you hear this statement:
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